Let's be blunt here for a minute, shall we? I don't know about you, but whether I see my "hypothetical" man talking to another woman, or my best friend potentially about to be swoon away by some other chum, everything goes black. I am very jealous. I am very possessive. So it is extremely safe to say, "I don't do relationships." Now, that doesn't mean I don't have a few close friends whom I absolutely adore, who also just happen to worship my..."spunk." It solely means I have noticed, in general, I am more levelheaded when I'm by myself. Honestly, it's the maximum sense of clarity one can ever attain. Even though, at first it's intimidating how addicting being alone can be. It can flourish into an utmost state of actuality. So join me as I delve right into eight logical reasonings why no time is like alone time.
- Your nickname is frosted flakes: You find every excuse in the book just to dodge plans. It's not a cancellation if you don't have the almighty excuse to back it up. You are Tony the Tiger when it comes to bailing, you are a total f.l.a.k.e.. Yes, did I mention you need an excuse? You and I both know you'd rather be in front of that T.V. like a dead potato, eating fried dead potatoes.
- Eating: While we are still on the topic of food, you make sure you only eat by yourself. Mainly because you want to eat what YOU want to eat. There's no room for compromises when your stomach starts making demands. Call it spoiled, call it whatever you want, but I call it getting what you crave.
- Being Naked: If you love airing your body out from those garments that hold you hostage, but don't want all ports vulnerable at the same time, being alone is a safe haven for that. Drop them drawers and those plans because a night in the nude all by your lonesome is an adventurous one at the most.
- Socialize By Day, Hibernate By Night: Then when winter hits, no time is an acceptable social hour. You see no change and are completely un-phased by it. Personally, I usually run errands or hike my dog before the sun goes down, but if I don't work nights, you have no shot of running into me after dusk. Managing R&R time is actually listed as one of my skills on my resume. Along with whistling.
- Netflix: Is Netflix the most committed relationship you've ever been in? Is blowing off ye ole faithful not in the least been a thought in your mind? Me too, man, me too. You just went on with dreaded responsibilities. For Netflix, there are never goodbyes, it's only "See you later!"
- One Trip Wonder: You've mastered exactly how to lug all your groceries up to your apartment in one trip. Even if you are crawling up those stairs and happened to have fractured a pinky along the way. You're a professional. You feel a sense of accomplishment when you achieve something yourself. You hate asking for assistance and won't start now!
- Mr./Ms. Fix-it: Do you secretly have tricks of the many trades filtered throughout your search engine? Well, you aren't alone…on that one at least. You try your damn near hardest not to ask anyone (but google) for help. Immediately following, you clear that history faster than a pre-pubescent boy who just discovered the internet.
- Sleepovers Are For Losers: This is the ultimate reason why being alone is so gosh-darn addicting. Nothing screams a good night's sleep like "GTFO" after the deed is done. I don't share my bed with anyone, but my dog. Reason being: I don't want someone else's butt-stench intertwining within the threads of my blankets every time they let one loose throughout the course of the night. I'm sorry, I think I'll pass. I try to use my change for laundry sparingly. Thank you very much.