Torque is a measure of how much force acting on an object causes that object to rotate.
After being challenged by my roommate to calculate the optimal torque of a twerk, I, a physicist, announced on my Twitter that I spent over $6.40 while using countless Google searches in the quest for this elusive answer.
Pop icons such as Nicki Minaj and Rhianna both seemed to have mastered the art of booty shaking, but without careful measurements being taken for the torque required to produce the rotations. I had to ask the question, “Is there an optimal torque of a twerk?” I asked my twerk analyst and best friend to analyze some twerk data to make sense of the issue.
“After analyzing the data, as an analyst, I concluded the universe must have an optimal torque force for the optimal twerking. I was a little curious while watching all the data, mostly watching the 86 straight hours of Lexy Panterra fitness videos.
If that taught me anything it has taught me that the female body must be approaching a special limit to twerk force to produce the intoxicating oscillations. One can only pray that someone discovers the optimal torque so white girls everywhere can stop their failed twerking attempts.” – Twerk Amateur Analyst
Saying that there is, in fact, a special amount of torque applied to the human body to produce the perfect twerk seems far-fetched. However, personally, I believe that we may be on the edge of a huge breakthrough in twerking torque science.
“My team of collegiate assistants has been spending upwards of 90+ seconds on the internet searching for the great twerks. They have analyzed, measured, and tested out every variation of the twerk. This includes some basic ones such as: the "whitewashed jeans frat boy twerks," "my jam is playing on Spotify twerk," and the "yoga-inspired spider twerk." We have also analyzed some of the less known twerks: the "tiptoe reaching for the top shelf vodka twerk," the "middle school limbo pole twerks" and the "putting my shoes on while walking twerk." By measuring various body types, I dare say that even those without a cushy tushy will be able to twerk with the right torque.” – Me
Many of my more conservative friends have spoken out against this scientific search. Creative dancers have tried to say that divine inspiration is what inspires them to produce a perfect dance, not a scientifically created formula.
*Please note these same people also believed that tap dancing should be added to prison sentences.
Lots of female students felt used after being asked to twerk for the scientific team. Surprisingly, 90% of the female students who helped with the research did recant their statement of “feeling used” after being offered free pizza for their services. Their complaints do bring up some good questions:
Should we even be looking for the perfect amount of torque to apply to our bottoms to produce unbelievable twerks?
What can we look forward to in the future if the best torque amount is discovered?
Will every single terribly dancing white boy be able to apply the right torque force to turn his weakest asset into one of his most prized assets?
Will a dance formula be discovered that applies to every possible dance move?
Will we evolve as a world community into a universal dance nation with annual dance competitions where we name twerk king and queens as our overlords?
We can only dream.
