I’m a list person. I adore agendas, fawn over calendars, and collect organizers like trophies. Detailed plans are my drug. I even have this whole wall in my room dedicated to my future. On it are plans: names of graduate programs, contacts for jobs, and lists of classes to take. I planned so much for everything that there was no way I could be without a path to take. Then something funny happened… I changed. I looked at my wall and realized that nothing up there was actually part of my plan. These were other people’s expectations for my future. Worst yet I realized that I didn’t have a plan for myself.
I looked through my past to find a future. I rummaged around in my past journals trying to find something I truly hungered for out of life. I couldn’t find what I wanted to be but I found who I wanted to be. I found an entry from before I left for college with an organized list of the person I wanted to become:
- Tell people what you are feeling no matter the circumstances.
- Spread love by being loving.
- Expect nothing, but accept everything.
When I look at this list I realize that I've unintentionally accomplished all of these things. This was no longer a list of who I wanted to be, but a list of what I had accomplished. I am not saying that I am a fully developed person by any means but that I am no longer moving backward in that development.
I think sometimes it can be really easy to hide from yourself by focusing on your future. It can also be difficult to sort out the expectations you have for yourself from those created by those around you. The scariest thing is the fear of disappointing those who have preconceived notions of who you will become. But I think that you can be pleasantly surprised by the people who will stay by your side when you do a complete 180 in your life. Hold yourself accountable for the future you deserve.
Hey, if I can do it, you can do it.