Every summer, I go to church on Sunday. I have since I was a child; I've grown up attending services and Sunday School, singing hymns and wearing pretty dresses. It was expected of me to attend, and for the longest time, I never complained.
As I grew older, becoming a 'preteen', I began to reject God; I saw Him as a hindrance to my social status. While everyone I knew was also attending these services, I saw myself as the child who needed to be different, and wanted proof that He existed. I still went, of course; since it was expected of me, and I would have been forced to either way. But I always sat there, angry and trying my best to hide my hatred.
I blamed Him for all of my misfortune, and assumed that if He were real, I wouldn't be so unlucky a girl. Everything that went wrong I just used to fuel my internal fire, growing more and more unhappy in my life, and becoming so against my campground that I no longer wanted to be there during the summer. I blamed Him, and I blamed my family and friends for forcing me to attend services.
In 2014, I had quite a few health problems. My asthma grew more severe and I began to get painful headaches. I was afraid and unsure of what to do, so for the first time, I turned to God. In my time of need, I turned to the one person whom I knew would listen, despite my doubting Him for the past six years.
While the health problems didn't immediately disappear like magic, my migraines dissipated and I regained control of my asthma. I realized that while I have no proof of God, it is possible that He does exist, and will be there for me when I most need him. He will be there for me even when I don't, because I am one of His children and He will protect me.
Of course, I still struggle with my beliefs, because there are times when something goes wrong and I get angry, beginning to blame Him again. But I remember that whatever is happening, God has a plan for me, and this is part of it. His plans are more powerful than mine, and everything that happens, happens for a reason. I just need to remember to trust in him.
Now, I'm not the type of person to suggest that you have to believe in God. My beliefs are mine, and yours are yours. I will stand by mine, but not be opposed to hearing the reasons behind yours. But I do wish for people like me, those who trusted in Him and then began to reject Him, to look inside themselves, to try and find a reason to believe. And even if you don't, know that He will look after you, no matter what.
Hebrews 1:11 "Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see."
