How I Deal With 'Absent' Families
Start writing a post
Friendships

How I Deal With 'Absent' Families

There are a LOT of opinions on how a single parent should handle things when the absent parent or family members come around. Here is my take on how to deal with the guilt that can be dished out.

165
How I Deal With 'Absent' Families

I am not a perfect person. None of us are. By the age of 21, I had found myself to be the single parent of three girls by three different fathers. Over the years, I have dealt with all kinds of ridicule about this but it didn't change what my job was; to love, take care, and protect these angels I had chosen to give life to.

I was raised by my grandparents and social services. My mother stopped visiting me around the age of seven and my father was in and out almost as much as one changes underwear. I never really knew what to expect. When I found myself dealing with the same things with my girls' fathers and their families, I knew something had to give.

Early in my journey of single parenting, I allowed guilt to control my choices. "But I miss her," "It's Christmas, have a heart," would eat me alive. I would spend countless nights wiping the tears, dealing with the fits of rage, and healing the pain just to have someone walk in months later and the cycle would start over. I would set up visits that no one would show to. I would reach out to them and offer to spend the gas to transport both ways. I would pay for the movie tickets... I would try to facilitate the relationship between them and their families, trying to make sure they never had to grow up like I did. Those small moments of joy on their faces became my justification for allowing someone to hurt them in a way I knew all too well in my own heart. Something had to give!

I stopped. One day I woke up and realized that sometimes doors close for a reason, and reopening them after months of not even as much as a phone call was more unhealthy than not having that connection at all and that by opening those doors I, too, was causing damage to their hearts. Healthy relationships need consistency. If you hadn't received a call or text from your spouse in six months, would you trust them to walk through your front door and pick up where you left off, or would you feel like you were inviting in a stranger?

Don't ever let anyone make you feel like you have to let people walk in and out of your child's life just because they share the same DNA.

Report this Content
This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.
Featured

How to Celebrate Valentine's Day Without a Valentine

You know YOU are not determined by your romantic status

340
How to Celebrate Valentine's Day Without a Valentine
https://www.southbostontoday.com/celebrating-valentines-day-in-southie-next-thursday-of-course/

Although the most romantic and love-filled holiday is right around the corner, it's important to know that Feb.14, the middle day of the shortest month of the year, doesn't need to be determined by your current romantic status. With that being said, you can either choose to sulk over the fact that you're single or you can make the best out of Valentine's Day without even having one.

Here are a few ideas to celebrate the day:

Keep Reading... Show less
Featured

7 Fun Facts About The Eiffel Tower

The iconic landmark is reinventing itself with a splashy new color.

1816
Eiffel Tower

Soon, the 2024 Summer Olympics are coming to Paris, and the Eiffel Tower will be in the spotlight.

Embedded so much into Paris's identity, the iconic landmark is no stranger to historic events and world-class gatherings over the years. It is sure to shine again.

Keep Reading... Show less
Featured

Blue Skies Weren't Always Blue

You don't just start as the person you are meant to be; there is a journey full of ups and downs that mold a person, so this is my journey.

2969
Blue Skies Weren't Always Blue

Overall I'd love to say I grew up a happy overly enthusiastic child that was taught to love herself and be loved by everyone else, but I can't say that and I never will. My smile wasn't always as bright as it is today, but this is the story behind my smile, the story about how I got here to the happiest place I'll ever be. I'll begin at freshman year of high school.

Keep Reading... Show less
Featured

The Heart Wants what the Heart Wants

Just remember sometimes it is gonna hurt, whether we want it to or not!

5893
The Heart Wants what the Heart Wants
Where to start...... Let me start with the cliche that life throws us curveballs and what we do with it is what counts.

One day he walked into my life. UNEXPECTED! And one day he walked out!

Keep Reading... Show less
Content Inspiration

Top 3 Response Articles of This Week

See which conversations rose to the top on Odyssey this week!

5273
Pixabay

New response writers means exciting new conversations on Odyssey! We're proud to spotlight our talented creators and the topics that matter most to them. Here are the top three response articles of last week:

Keep Reading... Show less

Subscribe to Our Newsletter

Facebook Comments