How I Deal With 'Absent' Families
Start writing a post
Friendships

How I Deal With 'Absent' Families

There are a LOT of opinions on how a single parent should handle things when the absent parent or family members come around. Here is my take on how to deal with the guilt that can be dished out.

130
How I Deal With 'Absent' Families

I am not a perfect person. None of us are. By the age of 21, I had found myself to be the single parent of three girls by three different fathers. Over the years, I have dealt with all kinds of ridicule about this but it didn't change what my job was; to love, take care, and protect these angels I had chosen to give life to.

I was raised by my grandparents and social services. My mother stopped visiting me around the age of seven and my father was in and out almost as much as one changes underwear. I never really knew what to expect. When I found myself dealing with the same things with my girls' fathers and their families, I knew something had to give.

Early in my journey of single parenting, I allowed guilt to control my choices. "But I miss her," "It's Christmas, have a heart," would eat me alive. I would spend countless nights wiping the tears, dealing with the fits of rage, and healing the pain just to have someone walk in months later and the cycle would start over. I would set up visits that no one would show to. I would reach out to them and offer to spend the gas to transport both ways. I would pay for the movie tickets... I would try to facilitate the relationship between them and their families, trying to make sure they never had to grow up like I did. Those small moments of joy on their faces became my justification for allowing someone to hurt them in a way I knew all too well in my own heart. Something had to give!

I stopped. One day I woke up and realized that sometimes doors close for a reason, and reopening them after months of not even as much as a phone call was more unhealthy than not having that connection at all and that by opening those doors I, too, was causing damage to their hearts. Healthy relationships need consistency. If you hadn't received a call or text from your spouse in six months, would you trust them to walk through your front door and pick up where you left off, or would you feel like you were inviting in a stranger?

Don't ever let anyone make you feel like you have to let people walk in and out of your child's life just because they share the same DNA.

Report this Content
This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.

Ready or not, here come the holidays, friends, and if you're as obsessed with the spirit of the season as I am, you are much more ready than not. Thanks to Hallmark Channel's Monopoly game making it possible to celebrate all year long, you can be ready now, too!

Keep Reading... Show less
Stephanie Tango

The pandemic has been in our world for more than half of 2020 and people are still acting stupid. If anything, they're getting stupider. They think that the virus is gone. It's not. Stop going to frat parties. Stop trying to go places without a mask. I wish things were normal, too. They're not.

Keep Reading... Show less
Kai Parlett

In the summer of 2017, 20 type 1 diabetics completed a 10-week 4,000+ mile bike ride from New York to California. They biked against the advice of doctors, family, and friends. Many were skeptical that people with diabetes could complete such a physically challenging trip without putting themselves in danger due to their disease.

Keep Reading... Show less

That's right, you heard that correctly: Demi Lovato and Max Ehrich called off their engagement after the couple originally announced their engagement in July after beginning to date in March.

Keep Reading... Show less
Swoon

Demi Lovato's Called-Off Engagement Reminds Us Of The Importance Of Taking Our Time In Relationships

While this may be another hardship she sadly has to endure, I know she will find a way to inspire and help others through it.

7973

I am heartbroken.

Keep Reading... Show less

We all love a good ol' sappy Christmas movie and this year, the Hallmark Channel is finally giving us what we want: diversity.

Keep Reading... Show less
Health and Wellness

Seasonal Depression Is Real And It Deserves Our Attention

Check in on your friends throughout the winter season, it can be brutal.

1169

As we transition seasons and enter the last few months of the year, some are feeling grand about this natural shift. But that doesn't mean everyone is thrilled that the weather is cooling down — it's important to extend your knowledge to the phenomenon that is seasonal depression.

The lack of sunlight during the later seasons of the year, beginning with autumn, triggers a state of depression for about 15% of the population. This results in the lack of serotonin provided by the sun, causing it to be hard for some to do a lot of the things that would normally be deemed simple tasks to do during the earlier times in the year like getting out of bed, showering, going to work/school, etc. A major difference is an intense need for sleep similar to a hibernation effect.

Keep Reading... Show less
Health and Wellness

September Is Suicide Awareness Month, But Mental H​ealth Is An Everyday Discussion

Mental illnesses deserve our attention 365 days a year.

1952

September is Suicide Awareness Month, providing an opportunity to raise awareness, further educate yourself, and remember the reality that mental illnesses present. Yet it's critical to understand that suicide awareness is not an annual Instagram hashtag to use and forget. Actively advocating for mental health resources, progress in education, and a broken stigma is an everyday ask — an activity that we can each participate in.

Keep Reading... Show less
Facebook Comments