Dear Dad,

If I could say anything to you, it would be thank you. Thank you for breaking my heart, thank you for all the sleepless nights, thank you for all of the trust issues, but most importantly, thank you for making me who I am today.

I can recall all of my earliest memories of you. The nights you would lay in bed with me until you thought I was asleep, then sneak out of the house and disappear for a while. I remember all the plans you made with me, beach and shopping trips, that never came through. I remember how you looked me in my face and told me, "I have to take care of them, they have never had a father."

In that exact moment, I felt the world around me shake. I felt my throat get tight, my knees start shaking, and my eyes fill with tears. Instead of breaking down, and letting you see how much you hurt me, I put on a smile and agreed with you. That was the moment when I realized you had chosen another person's children over your own, and I knew I had to let go of all hope I had in you.

All of the broken promises you made me, promises of fun times together, and promises that you would change... they all made me who I am today. And I don't know if that is a cursing or a blessing. You made me think that everyone around me was going to hurt me, going to leave me, and break my heart. I struggled for years with trust issues, because I knew that no matter the promise that was being made, there was a chance I would get let down. So I built this box around me, being very protective of myself, because I could not let myself feel that kind of pain again.

I am now at a point in my life where everything is okay. I feel okay, but sometimes this wave of anger hits and I can't control how I feel. I have tried to forgive you a million times, because that's what God commands us to do. In order to bring healing unto yourself, you have to forgive those who have caused you pain. But how do I forgive someone who isn't even sorry? This is a question I ponder upon a lot, and while I have not yet reached an answer, I know there will be a day when you and what you have done will no longer hurt me. You will never know all of my accomplishments, and you will never know how great I really am. There will come a day when you realize that choosing someone else over me was a big mistake; one that you will never be able to take back. But until then, all I can say to you is thank you.

Thanks for walking out on me. Thanks for never being there. Thanks for allowing me to be raised by the strongest woman in the world. It is because of you that I am where I am today. And for the pain you have caused me, I am forever grateful.