Faking a smile and going on about my day is just about what I do. I am a cheerleader so we are basically made to over power the term "fake it until you make it." Well that is what I do. At mostly any time of the day.
I am not necessarily where I want to be in life. I want to have the motivation and confidence like I did before. I want to actually get out and do the things other people are doing while actually enjoying it and not hiding and wondering if I’m being too extra.
You know what? I do not listen to what people think of me. Maybe I should. I keep believing lies that I tell myself, that I am not enough, and not pretty. It weighs me down. I try to accept myself for who I am. Lately I have not been able to. I feel annoying to anybody, and unworthy of who I am.
But I do know that I was put on this earth for a reason. I am made beautiful in every single way. But I have so many doubts in my life. All I ever think about is trying to please people first. And sometimes that is all I try to do.
I want people happy. I strive to make others happy before I could ever begin to think of myself. That is the sad thing. A lot of people tell me that it will be okay. Who actually knows though. Yes, things are okay, but mentally things are crazy. Life can measure up to be something you could never expect it. You cannot change people for who they are. You can try so hard to fix people and help them. But if they will change they will on their own.