No, I haven't actually been keeping track of the days since you died. I just did a quick google search and found it has been just over 500 days since you took your last breath. 502 to be exact. But you see it's been more than that since I last heard your voice, last saw your name pop up on my phone, last hugged you, last went over just to say hi. A lot has changed since that fateful October night back in 2017. But one thing that has not changed is how much I miss you.

I am in college now, almost done with my first year as a full time student. I know you would be so proud of me. I have made a ton of new friends, expanded my social circle, and am overall thriving at Missouri Western. But, I still catch myself wanting to text you. I want to call you and talk to you, in fact, I do not even need your contact because I still remember your cell phone number. I guess that is how I figured out you were my best friend. I need you Mimi, a lot of times. Your wisdom, your laugh, your overall personality. Because sure I have met well over 1,000 people since I moved to college, but none have been as great as you. None will ever be as good to me and my soul as you were.

I call home some, but I have spread my wings. I now understand that adulting is hard, tough, and very expensive. I do not know how you learned to live on your own after being married to Pa for so many years, but I find myself admiring your sense of self and how graciously you lived without him for 9 years. i guess you always knew you would not see a full decade without him by your side, and I hope that you found solace in that thought. I probably will be forced to live a full decade without you, but I will always have your picture saved to my phone, computer, and in a frame in my room.

Sometimes I find myself thanking, silently praying for a sign that you're here with me. I have yet to find that sign and it is tough, especially after a long night or hard day. I want to see you again, hear your voice, listen to you sing, or laugh. Man, that laugh could light up a room. But maybe it's better I do not get to see you because it'd make me sad and probably miss you a little more, although I find that impossible.

It has been 500 days, I will probably make it to 500 more. I do not wish to, for I want to be at rest with you and Jesus and living among the stars. Cuz life is hard. I miss you. I need you. I need my best friend back or with me cuz I cannot hardly get through this life without you.