When I write, there's this liberating feeling that overcomes my mind. I found a creativity that defies some logic to make room for all the shenanigans and light to take control. Within this extent, the idea of creativity and the ability to express it always manage to excite me. I wondered what this was and where it came from. I hesitated to explore deeper because, in all honesty, I just thought that I wasn't talented enough; that I only belonged in academics. I came to a conclusion that because of this, there was no room for me in this space. I know: that sounds so ridiculous, but forgive me! I was going through a phase!
I knew there was something in me that sparked at the sound of films, at the feeling of my imagination taking over my agency, and the magnitude of poetry. Those called to me; my inspirations called to me. I've welcomed this spirit in, and wow, how I've felt something new. If only I could share this feeling with you!
I don't know what it is exactly, but it's a good feeling. I've accepted that I am creative, which I didn't do before because I had it in my head that there was no room for this trait. I thought I had to bury this potential with all the seriousness. I liked it, but I buried it? Amazing. What a philosophical queen! Hire me for your advising needs. Sorry to creativity; sorry to my inspirations. I hid you from the world.
The old short films (old as in early 1900s old) embraced my simplicity and let me travel back in time. Books took me to their worlds. The television and movies I watched growing up and now influenced my lighthearted spirit. This was where my heart was going: to creativity. And I love it. I love the feeling of envisioning something. I don't own a fancy camera, but I've got a mind that can move one.
I think a part of me grew into this being through art. I knew I had to do something with this because I didn't want to let go of it- I just didn't know what to do. Watching movies and films, and reading books fed into this growing personality. Part of this saw Georges Méliès, my film hero. His films fascinated the childlike spirit in me, with his creativity right in front of me. My cinema class introduced me to more old films, and I loved it. The simplicity of these old films held colors and extravagant imaginations, even if they were in black and white. Poetry was simple, but it had bouquets upon bouquets of flowers behind its doors. UCLA's Samahang Pilipino Cultural Night got me. It fueled my imagination, even more, connecting with my culture and its history as I saw them right in front of me. They were on stage, performing as my friends and I were performing.
Overall, I know where my heart is. It's in that world of color (not California Adventure, but we can say so if you take me!) It's behind the screen, watching films and movies. It's in the pages I would read. It's in the imagination that fueled my creativity as I applied to universities and wrote some papers. It's with my friends and family. It got lost somehow, but as I see where God/the universe is trying to guide me towards, I'm finding it. It's in these words. So, to creativity: thank you.
