9 Times College Students Were Actually Aziz Ansari

9 Times College Students Were Actually Aziz Ansari

It's important to remember to treat yo self
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Actor, comedian and author Aziz Ansari (known for his role as Tom Haverford in the hit TV show Parks and Rec) is a goofy and relatable funny-man. Aziz also has some of the best facial expressions of modern television, therefore inspiring this post.

1. When you forgot you had homework

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We've all been there. You get home, think about what you have to do that night, and feel the sweet relief of having absolutely no obligations whatsoever. You put on Netflix, cuddle your body pillow, and feel utterly satisfied with life...until you get to class the next morning and realize you did, in fact, have a two-page reflection due.

2. Student ID photos

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It's move-in day. You're a nervous but excited little freshman. Your parents are watching from the side. It's hot. There's hundreds of other sweaty, hormonal teenagers near you. And you're forced to smile for a picture that will serve as your ID for the next four years. No pressure!

3. When you unexpectedly get a good grade

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At one point or another, we'll be given assignments we don't completely understand. The responsible college student would go see their professor for clarification...but sometimes we just don't have the time to make that happen. So we kind of just wing it and hope for the best. And then we celebrate when we get higher than a C+.

4. When the professor goes from the syllabus straight to the notes

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This constitutes as cruel and unusual punishment.

5. When you're waiting for your friends in the dining hall

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Being alone in the dining hall isn't the worst thing in the world, but it is uncomfortable. Especially if you're sitting at a table for five, and you're the only one there. I swear I'm not hogging the table.

6. When you're trying to figure out what the professor is talking about

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Some classes are better than others. And that's okay. Just fake it till ya make it.

7. When you're trying to stay awake during an 8 a.m.

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If you woke up late and didn't have time to get coffee, keeping your eyes open is basically impossible.

8. When you're third/fifth wheeling


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It's that time of the year: the months are getting colder, and couples are getting together. But for those of us not in a relationship, that can be a bit awkward at social events, like parties. So you might as well just sit there sipping your tea and hope eventually the couples will get tired of making out (spoiler: they won't).

9. When your parents ask you how your grades are doing


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I haven't even had mid-terms yet, but I still get this question at least once a week. I like to think I have a 4.0, since none of my professors have put grades in yet. So either I'm doing really, really well, or really, really poorly.


Cover Image Credit: Michael Monday, USA Today

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50 Quotes from the Best Vines

If you're picturing the vines in your head, you're doing it right
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In 2017 we had to say goodbye to one of the best websites to ever roam the internet: Vine. In case you have been living under a rock since 2013, Vine was -(sad face)- a website and app that took the internet and the app store by storm in Winter 2013. It contained 6-second videos that were mostly comedy- but there were other genres including music, sports, cool tricks and different trends. Vine stars would get together and plan out a vine and film it till they got it right.

It was owned by Twitter and it was shut down because of so many reasons; the viners were leaving and making money from Youtube, there was simply no money in it and Twitter wanted us to suffer.

There's been a ton of threads on Twitter of everyone's favorite vines so I thought I'd jump in and share some of my favorites. So without further ado, here are some quotes of vines that most vine fanatics would know.

1. "AHH...Stahhp. I coulda dropped mah croissant"

2. "Nate how are those chicken strips?" "F%#K YA CHICKEN STRIPS.....F%#K ya chicken strips!"

3. "Road work ahead? Uh Yea, I sure hope it does"

4. "Happy Crimus...." "It's crismun..." "Merry crisis" "Merry chrysler"

5. "...Hi Welcome to Chili's"

6. "HoW dO yOu kNoW wHaT's gOoD fOr mE?" "THAT'S MY OPINIONNN!!!.."

7."Welcome to Bible Study. We're all children of Jesus... Kumbaya my looordd"

8. Hi my name's Trey, I have a basketball game tomorrow. Well I'm a point guard, I got shoe game..."

9. "It's a avocadooo...thanks"

10. "Yo how much money do you have?" "69 cents" "AYE you know what that means?" "I don't have enough money for chicken nuggets"

11. "Hurricane Katrina? More like Hurricane Tortilla."

12. "Hey Tara you want some?" "This b*%th empty. YEET!"

13. "Get to Del Taco. They got a new thing called Freesha-- Free-- Freeshavaca do"

14. "Mothertrucker dude that hurt like a buttcheek on a stick"

15. "Two brooss chillin in a hot tub 5 feet apart cuz they're not gay"

16. "Jared can you read number 23 for the class?" "No I cannot.... What up I'm Jared, I'm 19 and I never f#@%in learned how to read."

17. "Not to be racist or anything but Asian people SSUUGHHH"

18. 18. "I wanna be a cowboy baby... I wanna be a cowboy baby"

19. "Hey, I'm lesbian" "I thought you were American"

20. "I spilled lipstick in your Valentino bag" "you spilled- whaghwhha- lipstick in my Valentino White bag?"

21. "What's better than this? Guys bein dudes"

22. "How'd you get these bumps? ya got eggzma?" "I got what?" "You got eggzma?"

23. "WHAT ARE THOSEEEEE?" "THEY are my crocs!"

24. "Can I get a waffle? Can I please get a waffle?"

25. "HAPPY BIRTHDAY RAVEN!" "I can't sweem"

26. "Say Coloradoo" "I'M A GIRAFFE!!"

27. "How much did you pay for that taco?" Aight yo you know this boys got his free tacoo"

28. *Birds chirping* "Tweekle Tweekle"

29. "Girl, you're thicker than a bowl of oatmeal"

30. "I brought you Frankincense" "Thank you" "I brought you Myrrh" "Thank you" "Mur-dur" "huh...Judas..no"

31. "Sleep? I don't know about sleep...it's summertime" "You ain't go to bed?" "Oh she caught me"

32. "All I wanna tell you is school's not important... Be whatever you wanna be. If you wanna be a dog...RUFF. You know?"33. "Oh I like ya accent where you from?" "I'm Liberian" "Oh, my bad *whispering* I like your accent..."

34. "Next Please" "Hello" "Sir, this is a mug shot" "A mug shot? I don't even drink coffee"


35. "Hey did you happen to go to class last week?" "I have never missed a class"

36. "Go ahead and introduce yourselves" "My name is Michael with a B and I've been afraid of insects my entire-" "Stop, stop, stop. Where?" "Hmm?" "Where's the B?" "There's a bee?"

37. "There's only one thing worse than a rapist...Boom" "A child" "No"

38. "Later mom. What's up me and my boys are going to see Uncle Kracker...GIVE ME MY HAT BACK JORDAN! DO YOU WANNA SEE UNCLE KRACKER OR NO?


39. "Dad look, it's the good kush." This is the dollar store, how good can it be?"

40. "Zach stop...Zach stop...You're gonna get in trouble. Zach"

41. "CHRIS! Is that a weed? "No this is a crayon-" I'm calling the police" *puts 911 into microwave* "911 what's your emergency"

42. "WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? "

43. *Blowing vape on table* * cameraman blows it away* "ADAM"

44. "Would you like the spider in your hand?" "Yea" "Say please" "Please" *puts spider in hand* *screams*

45. "Oh hi, thanks for checking in I'm still a piece of garrbaagge"

46. *girl blows vape* "...WoW"

47. *running* "...Daddy?" "Do I look like-?"

48. *Pours water onto girl's face" "Hello?"

49. "Wait oh yes wait a minute Mr. Postman" "HaaaAHH"

50. "...And they were roommates" "Mah God they were roommates"


I could literally go on forever because I just reference vines on a daily basis. Rest in peace Vine

Cover Image Credit: Vine

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An Answer To The Question Of Our Times, Does Lightning McQueen Have Car Insurance Or Life Insurance?

The debate has been settled.
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My third year at Elon ended awhile ago, but there is one question I was asked this year that is still burning in my mind. It's not from a class I took or a meaningful discussion I made but it is still of utter importance.

Does Lightning McQueen have car insurance or life insurance?

It's been presented to me that he could have both but that answer just doesn't satisfy me. Sometimes not everyone gets to be right. Just like you shouldn't get a trophy for being the 12th best team in little-league, Lightning McQueen should have either car insurance or life insurance, not both.

My initial response was that McQueen has car insurance because, you know, he's a car. However, a deeper dive into the issue shows me that only fools would think this way.

Throughout the “Cars" universe it appears that cars are the main source of intelligent life on the planet. There are no signs of human beings ever existing. Even if you subscribe to the theory that all Pixar movies share the same universe, there are still no humans on earth at the time of “Cars."

With no humans around, it's reasonable to believe the cars think of themselves as the dominant form of life and would thus, have Car insurance. Our hearts are their engines. Our buttcracks are their mufflers. You get the idea. What's most important is that while life looks different for Cars, they would still refer to it their insurance as for their lives.

If you are still saying that since they are Cars they would call it car insurance, I would love for you to show me the “Human Insurance" card you keep in your wallet. Oh, you don't have one? That's what I thought.

If Lightning McQueen really had car insurance like in our world, please tell me who is working on him when he goes into the auto shop? A car working on another car sounds a lot to me like the “Cars" version of a doctor, not a mechanic.

Overall this debate is silly. Once you get past your initial instincts, It's clear to me that whatever the dominant, intelligent form of life is in the world, they would have life insurance. It doesn't matter if that is cars, kangaroos, or even refrigerators. The dominant life is life, and that life needs to be insured.

Cover Image Credit: Facebook

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