I’ll be 21 on October 6th (this Tuesday, so close). The problem is: I don’t like drinking. I think alcohol of all types tastes gross, and if I’m going to drink my calories, it better be in the form of a milkshake. The removal of inhibitions and spontaneous ability to dance “well” doesn’t really appeal to me, so here I am. Two days until the big 2-1. So... what can I do?

1. I can adopt a child.

That is most definitely not what I’m going to do, but I think it’s interesting that you can be as young as 21 to be in charge of an actual human being. I can’t even provide three nutritious meals a day for myself between all my classes and extracurriculars at this age.

2. I can gamble.

Also not super attractive to me, because I like my money and I’m not incredibly lucky. I once played the online “Deal or No Deal” game and won five virtual dollars. I won’t take any chances with the money that I have left post-tuition payments.

3. I can get a pilot’s license.

Now that’s cool. I don’t know how to fly a plane, though. But the point is that I could learn and be legally licensed to fly if I wanted to put in the time and effort.

4. I can book a hotel room.

Yes. Awesome. I can now visit far off lands like San Antonio without needing to find friends to stay with or sleep in my car. This will make road-tripping so much easier.

5. I can see a comedy show.

Seriously, the minimum age limit is 21 at most comedy shows. I’m really excited about this because then I can go see my favorite comedians like John Mulaney and Matt Braunger live and be a part of their shenanigans. That is, of course, when they decide to come to Austin. Which might happen, eventually...

6. I can drive a semi.

Okay, I can get a license to drive a semi. You know those huge scary trucks on the road that you hate to drive around because they swerve everywhere and look like they’re about to tip over? Those. I don’t plan on becoming a CB radio star anytime soon, but I could.

7. I can get a concealed handgun license.

I think that’s pretty awesome. I took riflery for a long time and I love shooting (though I don’t hunt because I get Bambi flashbacks). I don’t know if I’m going to get this particular license, but I have the power to, which is the whole point.

8. I get a sideways driver's license.

I’m actually really excited about this one. Hear me out. I love procedural crime tv shows (god knows why) and they always show their badges any time they ever see someone. They do the cool flippy thing and it’s always sideways on the bottom half with the real metal badge on the top half. I just so happen to have a little wallet that’s shaped just like the FBI/CIA/NCIS/etc. ones that have the little bottom part that I could flip open at any chance. So when I go to purchase something, they’ll say, “Ma’am, can I please see some identification?” and I’ll flip open my little wallet like a police badge and come up with a witty one liner like a main character.

9. I get to stop and think about my life choices.

I’m going to graduate in less than two years. I have to get a job and a place to live that my parents don’t already live in. I have to be even more adult-y than I had to when I turned eighteen. It’s adult level-up.

I’m going to take things a day at a time. Right now, I’ll just worry about going to a comedy club and showing them my flippy ID. “I’m of age, sir, it’s so funny that you asked that.”