If I were to ask who your favorite director is, would you have an answer? Probably. Favorite actor? Sure. Actress? Of course. Favorite screenwriter?...
...was that my imagination or were there crickets chirping?
1) Without the writing, there is no movie.
There is no need for actors to memorize lines that were never written, cinematographers to shoot scenes that were never created, or makeup artists to configure characters who were never imagined. I know what you’re all thinking: “But Olivia, you technically don’t need a script to make a movie.” And my friends, while that is technically true, that is not the point of this article. So shush.
2) Everyone knows that (fill in the blank) starred in (fill in the blank) and it was directed by (fill in the blank), but almost no one knows who wrote it.
Might I refer you back to #1? The actor’s face gets to be blown up on the giant movie poster for the entire world to see, right below the massive font stating the director’s name. And where can you find the writer’s credit? Usually, if we are so fortunate, our name will appear in teeny tiny font on the very last line of the credits, at the bottom of the movie poster. After the music supervision, editing, and special effects credits. Because we are basically chopped liver.
3) The Best Original Screenplay award at the Academy Awards is essentially the world’s designated bathroom break.
Although Best Sound Mixing is pretty much in the same boat, and I’m sure all of the sound mixers out there would prefer to not be considered the American people’s chosen potty break. Let’s petition to end the ability to take bathroom breaks during the presentation of these two awards.That sounds like a good use of everyone’s time, right?
4) People quote movie lines, but credit the line to the actor.
And for that, I have just one question: who do you think created the line specifically for that actor? Sure, sometimes actors like Marlon Brando come along and improvise lines and make them really good, or whatever, but still. For most actors, they are only able to speak a line because it was written for them. So there.
5) Screenwriter’s only get paid 5% of the film’s budget (on a really, really good day).
And that’s only after they have been a successful writer in the industry for a number of years. Remember #1? Exactly. What's wrong with this picture?
6) Screenwriters, along with aspiring actors, are one of the most unemployed group of artists in the industry.
Yet all of these directors are writing their own movies and doing our job. And, true, directors, as a group, deal with a large percentage of unemployment, too. And yes, countless of the classic movies we all know and love were written and directed by the same artist (e.g. Casablanca, Reservoir Dogs, Avatar; the list goes on) but I think we should petition for directors to not be allowed to be good writers. It’s just simply not fair. Stop it, directors. C’mon.
7) Please refer back to #1.
8) We may not be as attractive as actors, but we make them interesting.
Who even needs attractive people, anyway? Screenwriters are funny and creative. Sure, while the rest of the world is asleep we might spend the wee hours of the morning awake, angstily hunched over a laptop screen, staring into oblivion as we attempt to formulate words to make lines to make scenes to make stories, but once you pry us away from our cats and our coffee mugs, we’re the life of the party. That is, if we’re not too busy creating a fake conversation between our characters in our head. But that’s beside the point.
9) Essentially, what I am trying to say is this: Screenwriters are basically the gods of movies, and we should be treated as such.
So, my question is, when do we get to have our faces blown up on movie posters?
