Anyone can claim to be one of the most renowned horror authors of the 19th century, but it's this tell-tale list that will separate the Poe from the faux. If you don't vividly recall these crucial memories that shaped your persona and defined your literary genius, I don't know you are, but it ain't Eddie P.
1. Your Birth
An Edgar never forgets, and who could forget the thrill of getting jettisoned from the safest place on earth? This labor was labor-intensive. For eight nights you taped yourself to mother's womb, hoping against hope that the forceps wouldn't catch you by your bulbous head. Alas, against your best efforts the doctor was able to rip you from your veiny haven and start you on your path to reaching an iconic level of literary fame and misfortune.
2. Hot Milk For Little Edgar
Guess what time it is? That's right, it's time for milk, baby! But not just any milk. Every night, mother spent hours tending to a kettle full of goat's milk over a single burning log to yield the most relaxing dairy known to humankind. Winding down with this optimal midnight elixir was just what you needed to keep your chronic nightmares at bay. Until you developed your famous adult-onset lactose intolerance, that is!
3. The Incident
Perhaps the most vivid memory for my real Poes out there is The Incident. It rarely comes up in conversation, but its haunting memory permeated through every decision Edgar ever made and greatly influenced his work. I obviously don't need to go into detail because you know what I'm talking about, Edgar!
4. Jasper The Cat
Ah, good old Jasper! It's like the townsfolk used to say, "Wherever there is Edgar, there is also most certainly Jasper." This feline friend was with you through thick and thin, through good and bad, through mason jar after mason jar of hot milk. When Jasper committed suicide you didn't think you would ever recover. Hot milk never tasted the same again, either due to the symbolic association between Jasper and hot milk, or your adult-onset lactose intolerance. Bottom line: Hot milk turned sour after Jasper bit it.
5. "Hey Kid. Catch."
Any Edgar worth his weight in hot milk remembers these words spoken by Lord Byron as he tossed you his favorite scarf. It was just after he finished Don Juan, and you felt like the luckiest kid in the whole world.
6. The Nectar
We sometimes outgrow our favorite things, and Edgar was no different. Around the age of 20, Edgar traded in his mason jar of hot milk for a flagon of mead. "The nectar" whispered brother Henry. "It beckons." Was there ever an adventure you got yourself into without a little of the nectar dripping from your 'stache? This is probably your best memory.
7. Leonard
Lenny! Leonard was your best friend, your muse and your wingman. Leonard was featured in several of your works, including "The Raven" and "There Are Mummies in Here." #SquadGoals.
8. Inventing Halloween
This ain't no trick. Edgar Allan Poe invented Halloween one night when a pumpkin got stuck on his head and he walked around Baltimore saying, "Darkness is the scariest thing ever, every work of horror I've written pales in comparison to the terror that is the absence of natural light." Edgar died by stumbling into a pit where he is now buried. This is why eye holes are carved into pumpkins on Halloween, because if Edgar has eyeholes to see out of he could've piloted himself to safety. Trick-or-treating happens because if Edgar had alerted a neighbor of the pumpkin on his head, this wouldn't have happened. Then again, if this didn't happen, we wouldn't have Halloween! And Halloween is awesome!
Well? How did you do? Are you or are you not the "Sultan of Scare" Edgar Allan Poe?IT's okay if you're not. I remember only Jasper, the rest not so much.
