Growing up in the South, I can't imagine being raised anywhere else. The warm summer nights spent catching lightning bugs, playing around in the slush that was supposed to be "snow" but it got you out of school anyway, sneezing your head off due to the pollen not-so-politely letting you know that spring has officially arrived, or jumping through every leaf pile you come across in the fall (no matter how many hickory switches you got threatened with), are all just some of the simple joys of life here in the South. I've traveled to all kinds of places, and I know it's true when they say there's no place like home. But it seems that no matter where I go, there's just one treasure of the South that cannot be replaced— sweet tea. I don't know who invented it, but personally I think there should be a day dedicated to celebrating them and the greatest accomplishment since sliced bread. Now, I'm not saying that I have an addiction to sweet tea, but I have an addiction to sweet tea, and anyone in the same boat will have these things in common:
1. Sweet tea is a daily staple.
I'm sure whoever came up with the food pyramid just simply forgot to include sweet tea, I mean it's really a dietary necessity. Will you have one? Will you have two? Who knows! And more importantly, who's gonna stop you?
2. Being "hangry" doesn't just apply to food.
Some people need coffee, some people need breakfast smoothies, but you're not "some people." Honestly, you probably shouldn't be around innocent bystanders before you've had your daily dose of sugary goodness. Things could get ugly.
3. Unsweet tea should be illegal.
It's literally the most terrible, unholy, God-forsaken thing Satan could come up with aside from wasps and "Toddler & Tiaras." There's nothing worse than drinking unsweet tea when you were expecting that sweet amber fix. I wouldn't wish that kind of evil on anyone, not even dear old Donald.
4. Your car is stocked with several dollar bills.
If McDonald's is good for one thing, it's their one-dollar large sweet teas, and you are locked and loaded with emergency bills. That dollar is your golden ticket to sweet relief. No matter where you're headed, it never hurts to have a sweet tea on-the-go. Your car ain't the only one who needs fuel.
5. You've become a sweet tea connoisseur.
You know when someone got a little too crazy with the sugar, or when someone is trying to be more health-conscious and switched the real stuff for the fake stuff, (yeah, I'm talking to you, Splenda). You also have all the restaurants in town categorized from best to worst, and which ones not to visit after 9:00 pm because you'll get that bottom-of-the-barrel crap that's been out all day. Nice try, suckers.
6. Spilling your sweet tea is the equivalent to a death in the family.
Don't cry over spilled milk? That's okay, you were just saving your tears for the real deal. One time I dropped my tea on accident and watched it explode before my very eyes and . . . you know what, I think it's too soon, I can't really talk about it yet.
7. Forget bottomless beers, how about bottomless sweet teas?
There's nothing worse than running out of sweet tea with no hope of getting a refill (well, almost nothing worse; see above bullet.). If I could invent one thing, it would be an automatic bottomless sweet tea glass. Haven't really worked out all the details, but stay tuned ya'll.
8. Don't give me none of that "iced tea" crap.
Sweet tea is a substance that cannot be tainted. Those flavored teas or instant sweet tea packets can just go back to Lucifer's kitchen where they belong. I appreciate the effort and I understand the desire, but you just can't improve perfection. If it ain't the real thing, don't bother.
Georgia can be proud of their peaches all they want, but I think we all know the true pride and joy of the South is its sweet tea. There's nothing I would rather be sipping on come a hot summer day or any day, really. If sweet tea is wine, then call me an alcoholic. The North can keep their pop and their cromuffins, we've got all we need right here.
Just in case you needed a visual of my daily sweet tea intake. Take care, ya'll!
