1.The Bouncer
He is the ultimate gatekeeper, the only obstacle between you and the beautiful tasty Promised Land on the other side. He is either your best friend or your worst enemy. In college, when you go to the same set of bars every weekend, the bouncers begin to recognize you. This can be a huge advantage! He can help you cut the line, he never makes you pay a cover, and welcomes you with open arms every time he sees you. (Thanks! Love You Tim!)
2.The Blessed Bartender/ress,
You magical sonofabitch! After a couple repeated weekends at the bar they start know your face as well as your order. Vodka Cranberry? Whiskey and Coke? Vodka Red Bull? No matter what it is, they make every cheap nasty drink bearable. And if you’re really lucky, some of your drinks magically become “on the house.” The sound of FREE is music to any college student’s ear on a budget. This is a relationship worth cultivating!
3.Your Ex
Depending on how you ended the relationship, it usually goes one of two ways. Either you pretend that you don’t see each other so you don’t get into a fight, or you are civil enough for a drink and possibly a dance. But this can be VERY dangerous territory. After a couple drinks all the deep resentment turns into grinding on each other, and eating each other’s faces in the corner for an hour…Ahh good times!
4.The One You Want But Can’t Have
The hottie that you’ve had a crush on since week 1, or knew freshman year, that you screwed up your chances with. Now all you can do is drunkenly notice how hot they have gotten by staring from afar. After a couple more drinks they become completely approachable for a subtle “hi” after which you obsess about for the rest of the night or until the next round comes around.
5.The Oops
The person that you hate and despise when sober but who becomes tolerable when you're drunk. They hit on you every time you’re out, because of one mistake of a night, and now follow you around like a puppy dog. You’re nice enough of a person to say hello but can’t help feel their eyes on you every time you talk to someone else. Sorry not going to happen....again.
6.Old Roommate
You haven’t seen them since you moved out, haven’t kept in touch except for those drunk encounters where you pretend to be best friends. You always run up to each other and swear “you’ll get lunch and catch up.” But we both know once we are sober we will forget this conversation even happened. You don’t hate each other but freshman year was a many many drinks ago and you’ve both changed.
7.The Uber-Drunk Friend
They are the ones that think they are killing it on the dancefloor unaware they have drinks spilled all down their shirt. They are the ones that are so drunk they buy rounds for everyone at the bar, which no one refuses. But unfortunately by the end of the night they are also the ones passed out in a booth or on the bus with some lucky friend who has the responsibility to make sure they make it home.
8.The Bus Driver
Finally, and most importantly, this brave soul is the last and usually the most comforting face you see for the night. He is that security blanket that once you know you’ve made it on the bus you know you’re safe. He knows your stop and never passes it up when you’re too drunk to remember to look out the window.
“I drink to make other people more interesting”….Ernest Heminigway
