In this age of debate over vaccinations, secret ailments are lurking among our students seeking higher learning. These diseases culminate on college campuses just waiting to strike incoming batches of freshmen. Below are a few of the most prominent.
BINGE-WATCHING DISORDER
The increased popularity of streaming systems such as Netflix, Hulu, and Amazon Video has helped this disease become one of the most common among college students. Sufferers will go on long bouts of binge-watching episode after episode, sometimes completing entire seasons in one sitting. Those greatly affected by the disorder will watch entire series before moving on to a new show.
PARENTALSUPERVISIONOSTASIS
For many students, college is when they get their first taste of independence from their parents. Without a driving force, students may take advantage of this freedom. This independence may lead to choosing one's own clothes, breaking bedtime, and eating pizza for breakfast.
PROCRASTINOSIS
Many times, these disorders can overlap. This particular disease has been known to occur simultaneously with Parentalsupervisonostasis and to be aggravated by a predisposition to Binge-Watching Disorder. Those who suffer from this disease will often lack motivation and have strong aversions to homework and research papers.
SODEXO INTOLERANCE
With the rise of attention to gluten intolerance in the US, another similar, but more focused disease has come to light. This disease is predominantly affecting those on college campuses. Students are developing negative reactions to foods they once enjoyed. Some are even avoiding the dining halls altogether. Studies have shown that this disease affects mostly students residing on campus as their commuter counterparts have not shown nearly as many adverse reactions.
LAUNDROPHOBIA
One of the lesser discussed disorders actually significantly impacts the lives of many college students. This fear of laundry does not apply to the kind that is freshly washed and ready to wear. It applies strictly to dirty laundry and or those that need to be folded and put away. Some students will live out of hampers for weeks as mounds of dirty clothes pile up in dorm rooms. Many with this intense phobia will even attend class in pajamas as a way to stave off another day of laundry.
DOLLARECTOMY
There has been shown that a strong correlation exists between students entering college and their bank accounts dwindling. Parents need to be understanding of this disorder and assist their suffering students whenever they can. Money and care packages are always welcome.
HYPOSOMNIA
This disease is dissimilar to insomnia in the most cruel of ways. In cases of insomnia, the victim is unable to fall or stay asleep. In Hyposomnia the sufferer is physically able to fall asleep, but cannot due to the impending workload and insurmountable responsibilities they need to accomplish daily. This disorder allows the victim to get just enough sleep to stay alive and to be able to function as a shell of a human being. This disorder can easily be recognized by the dark circles under one's eyes, hinting at an all-nighter, and the energy drink/ espresso shot combo that is characteristic of such.
SENIORITIS
Although this disorder is commonly spoken of, many do not realize that it is one of the few that often re-occurs in one's life. The disease is usually first diagnosed during one's senior year in high school. The disease then usually goes into remission until the sufferer's senior year of college. The symptoms of the high school strain usually include an aversion to school work and a lack of interest and effort in school related activities. This is usually accompanied by the thought, "none of this matters. I'm almost out of here anyway." Although the college strain displays many of the same outward symptoms, the recurring thought behind the actions is slightly different. "Everything matters and I don't know what I'm doing with my life so I am just going to do nothing and try to make myself believe that if I ignore my responsibilities I can stay here in this college fantasy and ignore the fact that I am an adult."
