Season 5 of Game of Thrones FINALLY premiered, and all is well in the world again. Ours, not theirs. R.I.P., literally everyone.
Here are 73 thoughts I had during the premiere.
Warning: Season 4 and 5 spoilers ahead!
1. I hope it wasn't a bad decision to eat before this.
2. Honestly, thank God for the series recap.
3. Am I a bad fan if I don't remember half of this happening? Oh well.
4. Ugh I forgot how many people died.
5. R.I.P. Oberyn.
6. R.I.P. Ygritte.
7. I wanna say R.I.P. Tywin because he died... but I hate him, so no.
8. The intro is going to be stuck in my head forever now, and I can't even tell if I'm mad about it.
9. If I wasn't so excited for this to be back, I could take a quick nap during the intro.
10. How come this girl has better hair than I do?
11. Who even is she? Ten bucks it's Cersei.
12. Okay, this just seems like a bad idea. Creepy hut = bad news, always.
13. That sounds like a really awful fortune. Sucks, Cersei.
14. Are Tywin's eyes always that blue? And why are they open?
15. Oh yeah. The stones. I forgot they put those on dead people.
16. I hope that's a tradition we never adopt.
17. I can't sit still during a 50 minute class, let alone in a crate for weeks.
18. I bet Tyrion has Restless Leg Syndrome now.
19. Hold up. If he wasn't allowed out of the crate, how did he go to the bathroom...
20. Oh. That's how. Rough life.
21. Digging the beard, though. Lumbersexual is so hot right now.
22. I can't even rally that well.
23. Wait, why is an Unsullied going to a brothel?
24. Oh wait, that's kinda sweet he wants to cuddle. #relationshipgoals
25. NOPE. NEVERMIND.
25. Daenerys is my favorite, because dragons.
26. She's by far the best character.
27. I'm scared to root for her though because every time I root for someone on this damn show they die.
28. Jon Snow is BAE.
29. Except I watched him be a dinner guest on Late Night with Seth Meyers, and now I can't really take him seriously.
30. Okay seriously, how is Sam still alive? He's the fattest character on the show and can't fight worth a shit.
31. Isn't he, like, really smart though?
32. Still, I don't think I would miss him.
33. Fire Lady's hair looks darker.
34. LOLOLOL this elevator ride must be really uncomfortable for Jon.
35. Stannis, you're dreamin'. Wildlings are never going to fight for ya.
36. Their theme song is "Young, Wild and Free".
37. WHY IS SANSA'S HAIR SO DARK?
38. TBH though, it still looks good.
39. Lysa's son is the worst. Almost.
40. Podrick seems like a chill dude.
41. Brienne, stop being so mean. Podrick just wants to help!
42. Ahhhh, Sansa is so close, yet so far.
43. I feel like Margaery is a liiiiiiittle too old to be flirting that hard with baby Lannister.
44. But I guess her life is kind of on the line so that makes it somewhat more acceptable.
45. Wow, Loras is really hot this season.
46. Has he always been this hot?
47. Margaery doesn't give a shit about walking in on her brother doin' it.
48. She's just like, "Bye, b*tch".
49. I wonder what's going to happen to Cersei and Loras' engagement?
50. Something bloody, if we're following the pattern of weddings.
51. Tyrion, please don't shave your beard.
52. "Who said anything about him?" I've been waiting forever for this line.
53. Daenerys and Tyrion. They would make the all-star team.
54. LOL. Daenerys takes no sh*t, ever.
55. Daario, this whole scene. Enough said.
56. Dat ass, tho'. Okay, now enough said.
57. If they have sex all the time how isn't Daenerys preggo yet?
58. Because, birth control doesn't exist.
59. She should have had a million babies by now.
60. I bet it's some dragon magic that keeps her from getting preggo.
61. If Daario dies, I don't know what I'm going to do.
62. Uh oh. Dragons aren't happy.
63. Should've let them fly free.
64. Except then there would be no more children probably, so that's not good.
65. I want the third dragon to come back. They're the ultimate trio.
66. Yeah, there was no way the king of the Wildlings was going to join Stannis' army.
67. Ouch, burned alive. That's harsh.
68. Is Sam trying to put a move on Gilly DURING AN EXECUTION?
69. He has no taste.
70. Way to go for the mercy kill, Jon.
71. THAT'S IT?
72. I can't believe all of my characters made it through this episode. This might be a record.
73. Time to drink wine like a Lannister.
