For some people, college can be a struggle. In 2016, Nationwide reported that the average student now takes 5.2 academic years to earn their bachelor’s degree, not the average four years that it took older generations to earn theirs.
But for me, I surpassed that new average of 5.2 years, taking a grand total of 7 years to earn myself a college degree.
“Why?” you might be wondering, “How could it possibly take someone that long to graduate?” Well, there are a lot of reasons that ultimately contributed to the steep mountain I needed to climb in order to reach graduation. In fact, there were many points in my college career where I just wanted to give up and let go, because it would be easier than straining myself to keep climbing when I felt so broken and tired.
But I never did.
I graduated from high school in the spring of 2011 and was enrolled in the University of Maine at Orono that fall as a psychology major. Truthfully, I don’t know what made me choose psychology. Maybe it was because I found human cognition to be slightly interesting.
Or maybe it was just because the struggles I faced in school throughout my entire life left me feeling as if I had no exceptional talents or skills that would let me succeed in another major, and psychology felt like the default major for plain people like me.
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I had always loved the arts, especially writing, but my lack of self-confidence and my failures in my academic career left me feeling as if there was no place for me in a field like that. Psychology felt like a safe bet for so many other people like myself were doing it. But as it turned out, I was entirely wrong.
I spent a total of four years as a psychology major, and I hated every second of it. The field was far more challenging than I could have anticipated—especially since I was required to take courses in statistics and neurology. I became so unhappy with the path I had chosen that I fell deep into a depression, and my anxiety that I would never get anywhere in the world took over.
I stopped going to classes altogether because the thought of embarrassing myself in them was too much. I distanced myself from my friends and my family because I felt like I was disappointing them. I stopped eating because I didn’t have the motivation to leave my dorm, and I stopped sleeping because thoughts of failure kept me up all night.
I felt like I had trapped myself in a bubble where I couldn’t breathe, but that it was too late to change anything since I was already 4 years in.
My entire world came crashing down on me in the summer of 2015 when I was slapped with an academic suspension for failing every single one of my classes. I didn’t know what to do with myself. I felt like I had failed myself, my parents, my friends, my professors, everyone. I knew that continuing on the path I had taken would only set me up for further failure.
That was why I knew I needed to change.
After spending a semester suspended, I got my act together. I decided that it wasn’t worth it to keep pushing myself down a path that would lead to nowhere. I knew going down a new path would be challenging and scary, but I took the risk and ran with it. I knew I could either stand still and wallow in my self-misery or jump forward towards something that could change me.
In the winter of 2016, I re-enrolled at UMaine as an English major, taking online classes from home for a semester before returning to the university in the fall. Climbing my way out of the ditch I had dug myself into wasn’t an easy task, but it was worth it. I’ve spent the past two years working with incredible peers and professors, tuning my skills as a reader and writer to bring out the best parts of myself as a student.
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The support I was able to receive from my family and friends kept me going at points where I wanted to give up. I found that my love for reading and writing was far greater than I originally thought. I knew if I worked hard enough that I could belong in this field and find a place to call my own.
I’ve struggled for the past few years with telling people I was academically suspended, lying between my teeth that I had just taken time off. I felt embarrassed that I was still in college when those I had graduated in 2011 now had jobs and a place in the real world. I felt stupid for being the last of my siblings to graduate, even though I had entered college first.
But now I can come out and say I’m proud to be where I am. I have no regrets in taking this long to succeed. Since I’ve managed to return to school I’ve made Dean’s List, met incredible professors, and found something that truly makes me happy. I have a sense of confidence in what I do that I struggled to find for over 20 years.
So perhaps I was slow to start the race, maybe I tripped and fell along the way, maybe I was the last to reach the end, but now I’m crossing the finish line.
