"Pokemon GO" was recently released, and predictably became an instant hit. Millions of people of all ages around the globe are now going outside hunting for pretend animal-things. People are almost forgetting about politics and terrorism and the feud between Kanye West and Taylor Swift. Whether you play the game or not, the nature of how it works means seeing people walking around playing the game is unavoidable, so I've devised my own "Pokemon GO" minigame. Can you catch 'em all?
(Disclaimer: please don't actually try to catch them. These are actual people, and that would be kidnapping. It's more like a game of I Spy or Highway Bingo.)
1. The Lone Adult
This is the person who used to play Pokemon as a kid, but doesn't have many friends who are sold on "Pokemon GO." When the game came out, they were extremely hyped. They've spent every last second of their free time wandering the streets with their eyes glued to their phone and trying to convince their friends that it's a really good game, mostly so they don't have to be alone.
2. The Posse of Twenty-somethings
Pokemon may be a franchise for children, but we all know that this is the crowd that "Pokemon GO" was truly intended to appeal to. These are the groups of friends who have spent their entire lives nerding over everything Pokemon ever since the first games were released on the Gameboy. When "Pokemon GO" was released, they couldn't contain their excitement. They can be heard saying "This is what Pokemon should have been all along!" and "Guys, there's a Ponyta over here!"
3. The Pack of Middle Schoolers
Remember, Pokemon is a franchise intended for children. Try not to be too annoyed when you see a group of preteens walking around playing the game. It's not their fault they were born too late to understand that the Pokemon in "Pokemon GO" actually are the original Pokemon and that Gamefreak is getting "lazy with the newest generations." So, please, let them enjoy the game and try not to get angry.
4. The Nerdy Couple
Ok, so they aren't necessarily "nerds" in the pocket protector, huge glasses, and terrible fashion taste sense of the word. These are the couples who both grew up adoring and playing Pokemon. You can often find them walking around, holding hands, and every now and then excitedly exclaiming about a nearby Pokemon. If you happen to fall under the "lone adult" category, seeing this couple will probably make you sad and almost decide to start socializing with people like a normal person.
5. The Couple Where Only One Person Played Pokemon Growing Up
This seems to be the more common scenario with "Pokemon GO" couples, at least from my experience. One half grew up intensely nerding over Pokemon, and the other one never touched a game. They're cute, but in a "God, look at that annoying happy couple" kind of way that makes you gag a little. They can be heard saying things like "Oh, there's a plant thing over here!" and "Well, what kind? Is it an Oddish or a Bellsprout?" and "I don't know, it has leaves and stuff." and "Almost all of the plant Pokemon have leaves, Karen!"
6. The Little Kid Walking Around With His Parents
There are two varieties of this particular type of player. The first variety consists of a kid, aged 6-10 who is out and about with his or her parent(s), who have never played Pokemon. The kid runs about excitedly, while the parent follows closely behind, just happy that they could get the little one to play outside. The second variety consists of a kid, still aged 6-10, who is out and about with his or her parents who grew up with Pokemon. In this case, the kid is also excitedly running about, but the parent is the one running the show. They pretend like they're doing it for the child, but deep down they know that this is all for them.
7. The Person Who Can't Connect to the Server
To be honest, this category makes up about 90 percent of all "Pokemon GO" players. They can be found sitting at a PokeStop and swearing at their phone.
