7 Things The Blackhawks Should Do With The Stanley Cup
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7 Things The Blackhawks Should Do With The Stanley Cup

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7 Things The Blackhawks Should Do With The Stanley Cup

For the third time in the last six years, our favorite Canadians, Swedes and Finnish (with the occasional Slovak) have represented Chicago by being athletically superior than everyone else at running on frozen water with knives attached to their feet. Not to mention while using the explosion of puberty that occurs during the playoffs to nest an entire colony of endangered birds in their beards.

As tradition goes, every player on the winning team gets to spend a day with Lord Stanley’s cup, doing just about whatever they want with it. However, before Patrick Kane uses it to take a bath full of Absinthe and make poor life decisions, the Hawks should consider putting it to better use with the following...

1. Use it as a mirror to shave.

chicagotribune.com

They’ve already accumulated a plethora of free plastic razors from Schick in the mail that most 7thgrade boys get during health class. Despite the many movie offers that Hawks players have received to play Grizzly Adams in the upcoming thriller Shave Another Day, things didn’t work out in fear of female audience members automatically becoming pregnant upon viewing.


2. Melt it down and create a metal knee for Derrick Rose.

deadspin.com

Perhaps one of the most unlucky of men in Chicago right after Steve Bartman, Derrick Rose has been cursed with having a knee made of glass and cotton candy. With a metal knee made up of the Stanley Cup, maybe we wouldn’t have to worry anymore about Rose going down with a crippling knee injury after shooting a free throw.


3. Collect Cubs fans’ tears and send it to a drought-ridden California.

redstatebluestate.mblogs.com

The Cubs’ haven't won a championship in 106 years. Pair that with mother nature’s best effort to flood Chicago into one giant Shedd Aquarium, and we have more than enough water-works to share around. Let’s be good citizens and send some California’s way.


4. Slap a White Sox hat on it and put it in the Cell.

unwrittensyllabus.wordpress.com

The average White Sox attendance will then at least increase to 1.


5. Knock Jay Cutler unconscious.


forum.bodybuilding.com

Let's hope that he forgets he’s the Bears quarterback, gets cut from the team after not showing up for training camp and spends the rest of his days as a Chicago Sky beer vendor. (Do they even have beer vendors?)


6. Create an adult film entitled 6 Seasons, 3 Cups.

strangecargo.com

With a movie starring Johnny Oduya, do you want to see this film? O-ya-u-do!


7. Put it on top of the SEARS Tower and use it as a lightning rod.

nicksuydam.photoshelter.com

Hehe… get it?!

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