Oftentimes if we are friends with a bully, we don't realize it. They are very good at what they do: manipulation. Good manipulators are just that--great at getting what they want by whatever means they can without getting detected. These people are destructive and we are all better off without them in our lives. If you ever feel hurt by something your friend has done—or something they continue to do to you—then take a good hard look at their motives and if they really care about your well-being.
1. They play the martyr card.
They want to guilt you into doing what they want, so they will say something like, "You guys go ahead and do it without me. No one wants to do anything with me anyway." This is playing with the good qualities you possess, such as your devotion to being a good friend and not leaving them out. This person will often act unappreciated so you feel sorry for them and do what they want you to do.
2. They use your weakness against you.
This is often why the bullying doesn't start for a while. They get to know you and look at your strengths and your weaknesses. When they see some gain, they will do anything to exploit your weaknesses and make you feel bad about them. This diminishes your power and makes them feel like they're in control of something, most likely aiding to some insecurities and deeper issues they have.
3. They jump to anger whenever challenged.
Do they get mad when you dispute their facts, even when they are obviously wrong? They don't like to be challenged and disputed because this takes away their power and alleged knowledge that gives them this power. If you try to disagree with this person, they will often become over-dramatic and attempt to turn the verbal dispute around on you.
4. They lie!!!
Bullies lie. They alter truths to fit their own personal gain and as a way of manipulation. If they don't want to do something, they might lie and assign the blame on someone else and turn back to making themselves a martyr just to aid in making you feel guilty. Bullies don't use logic, so they'll make up their own to win. They will also usually exaggerate their life situation and boast of accomplishments they don't really have. They'll make up anything to get you to feel sorry for them.
5. They won't admit to their faults.
They always have to put the blame on someone else, or the situation, or the weather, or the time of day, or the elves, or anything else ridiculous because only an illogical person can't be honest with others and themselves about when they do fall short. We all make mistakes, and that's okay, but they won't admit to it.
6. They don't listen to logic.
They want what they want and they will do whatever it takes to get it. You can try to reason with them and they will obviously contradict themselves, but it won't do anything. They will never admit to being illogical or unknowing.
7. They are hypocritical.
They say one thing and they do they other. They expect you to exhibit certain behaviors but won't practice them themselves. They don't realize how much easier it would be if they just showed compassion instead of always being on the defensive.
If your friend does a lot of these things over and over again, then most likely they are a bully. As a friend it's always good to try to talk to them and explain how they are hurting you, but it may or may not help.
Bullies often have deeper issues that require therapy or other professional help. Be there for them if you can, but don't allow someone who does nothing but disrupt your life continue to have the privilege of being in it.
Just remember, all they're ever gonna be is mean.
