Are you an adolescent to 20-something female that occasionally identifies with a misshapen ovular vegetable? You know when you look in the mirror after a long, confusing night and simply think, “Wow, my face really resembles a potato.” I’m here to tell you that IT IS OKAY, and that your fellow potato sisters are out there.
Looking fly every day of the week is taxing, and honestly, who really cares? Here I’ve listed seven undeniable reasons why resembling a tuber isn’t so bad after all.
1. Because you don’t need to look like a hot potato every day of the week.
Listen, my fine spud sister, chances are people aren’t actually paying that close attention to your hair and makeup every day. If you aren’t slapping those minerals on your face for you, who are you really doing it for, and what’s it to them?
2. You’ll save time; time is money, money is for shopping, shopping is for groceries… For potatoes.
But really, though. The average woman spends 55 minutes of their time every single day on hair, makeup, and miscellaneous primping. If you were to cut this time to 20 minutes for three days a week, you’d save one hour and 45 minutes every week to do whatever you want. That hour could be spent
- Watching Netflix
- Sleeping
- Taking over the world
- Harvesting Potatoes
3. In a world that aims to conceal true beauty, let your inner spud shine.
Ladies, how many times have we looked in the mirror and thought “If I could just change my…” STOP. We were grown this way for a reason. Whatever reason you have in your life to keep growing, do it. Never be harvested. In the wise words of DJ Khaled, “They don’t want you to win.” Don’t let a world full of tomatoes, cauliflower, and carrots tell you it’s not okay to be a spud.
4. You can be delicious and flawed.
Have you ever seen a perfect potato? I certainly haven’t. They come out of the ground crusty and grimy and are then converted to some delicious, beautiful works of culinary art. (My mouth is watering.) Everyone has their flaws, but you, young tot, must learn to embrace these flaws. Your flaws give you flavor. Your flaws make you delicious.
5. Find peace with your potato.
When you are able to recognize that your natural appearance is beautiful in its own way, you will begin to notice more about yourself and the world around you. The most difficult fact for adolescent veggies to understand is that looks aren’t everything.
6. It’s quite alright to be sedentary for an excessive/borderline outrageous amount of time.
When a potato grows, it sits and waits. Those little pods of starchy goodness wait in the ground for months before they do anything noteworthy. Therefore, it’s perfectly acceptable for you to lay on the couch in a comatose state for an obscene amount of time. Being a woman can be hard work, so take the day off. Do absolutely nothing. Bury yourself in dirt. Grow a stalk. Remain in a neutral pH of 5 to 9.
7. DON’T HATE, PO-TATE.
We are starch sisters, yam youths and potato people. We need to build each other up instead of tearing each other down. An old Irish proverb says “It’s easy to halve the potato where there is love.”
