7 Reasons To LOVE The Wonderful MTA

7 Reasons To LOVE The Wonderful MTA

You know I do!
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here's something wonderfully expensive about living in New York. But, as they say, you get what you pay for. Access to some of the world's best schools, best museums, and best restaurants, it's no wonder the sales tax is close to 10%! It's also no wonder, then, that the cost of a MetroCard swipe keeps rising, what with all the wonderful new improvements being made to the system at the cost of millions of nearly-three dollar charges made daily. It's not inflation boys and girls, it's just evident in the wonderful services they provide in the most efficient and pleasant manner. So here I have compiled a list of 7 reasons that I love the MTA, and you should too!

1. They Always Come At The Right Time

If it's a challenge you want, then it's a challenge you'll get. If you're like me and you make three transfers before arriving at your destination (EVERY MORNING), you probably also really appreciate how it's almost as if the MTA times it so that even though the train you're getting off of and the train you're getting onto are often being ridden by the same group of people, neither will give any consideration to how efficient your transfer could be but won't be. Did that train just ride away with two people in it as a swarm of 200 frustrated commuters came running towards it? Ah, yes.

2. The Train Conductors Are Always Super Informative

Nothing like hearing someone screaming into a microphone at 8:45 in the morning, only to find out that

Blarhcks Onclvuuvod Werspekcfs Qoivcaldjd

Actually translates to

This train will not be stopping at 51st street. Please enjoy your morning

Which would make sense, seeing as how you just skid right by your 2nd connection on your commute.

3. They're Always Assigning MTA Employees/Officers to the Right Tasks

I once watched a grown man in a business suit nearly push a pregnant woman down a flight of stairs to make his train. I once witnessed a woman pull a child by her hair to get her onto their train. I was once stuck for several minutes in an MTA turnstile because my bag was caught and I couldn't get it off. The MTA employee was looking at something interesting that was happening somewhere in the phone-region of her tiny box, so I guess she was busy. Also, last week I was given a $100 fine for allowing my friend to swipe through with me because, you guessed it, their card machine was not running. On either side of the station. At three in the morning. But no, please, I deserve it, the mothers pulling their children by the hair are much more worthy of a free pass.

4. Also, They Are Always The Friendliest!

"Ma'am, can I use this reader to check my balance?"

"Ma'am, can I use this?"

"Ma'am?"

((swipes card))

Woman In Booth: EXCUSE ME, may I help you?

((me, struggling to get to a train that pulled in too far into the station))

((me, running with a pack of men and women hoping to board the only train for the next 13 minutes))

((me, making it to the door, but getting closed out))

((conductor, watching me struggle to get my bag out of the door, smiling))

5. Signal Problems? NEVER!

Signal Problems: clearly not what your swipe money is going towards fixing. I don't even know what a signal problem implies, but all I know is that the MTA is sending out mixed signals like an estranged Tinder hookup.

6. The Cost Is WORTH IT

There's nothing like stepping onto the morning train and finding out it smells like burning metal, or body odor, or both! There's nothing like forcing yourself onto an over-capacity car because, well honey, it's that or you're late for class. Furthermore, there's nothing like realizing that MOST OTHER MAJOR CITIES PAY CONSIDERABLY LESS FOR THEIR RAILWAY SYSTEMS, well, if they're not FREE. Most other major cities also have considerably fewer people relying on their systems because they have cars as well, and they account for this. Somedays, your everyday train has decided not to run, which would be fine if the bus wasn't 26 minutes away and your car wasn't nonexistent.

7. It's Not Their Fault If You're Late

In fact, it's not the MTA's fault if they're not providing effective alternative services, or if they decide to fix something that should have been fixed years ago, intermittently, all at once as to provide no service for anyone as opposed to limited service for all. It's not their fault the train is hot in the summer and cold in the winter. It's not their fault they're writing students up for hopping turnstiles, when there are people hopping metaphorical turnstiles in big business and in turn actually MAKING MONEY. By that I mean, the people in charge of the MTA whose pockets I fill with cash every time I cough over $32 for a weekly subway pass.

The bureaucracy of New York transportation works the way that all things in New York do: just enough to keep people from leaving. And so, here I am, eternally grateful for the services of those services that work just enough to keep me in class and at work.

Cover Image Credit: Antonio DiCaterina / Unsplash

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Top 50 Things You'll Hear A Southern Say

Y'all.
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For those of you who may need a little help understanding the slang of a southern, I made a list of the top 50 phrases and sayings, along with their translations.

1. Bless your heart.

My favorite saying. It is an empathetic phrase that is usually uttered when the speaker believes the recipient to be sweet, but misguided or stupid. It can also be used if the speaker believes the recipient needs to grow up and deal with it, when the speaker says it in a sarcastic tone.

2. Barking up the wrong tree.

Means being misguided or mistaken.

3. Aren't you precious?

Mostly this saying is used in a sarcastic tone in response to someone being offensive.

4. Britches.

Pants or underpants.

An example would be, "Your britches are too short, you can't wear those".

5. Coke.

Regardless if it's Dr. Pepper, Coca-Cola, or another carbonated beverage, it's called Coke here in the South.

6. Fixin' to.

Simply means that you are about to do something.

7. Get the short end of the stick.

This phrase means that you basically got an unfair deal or cheated out of something.

8. Give Me Some Sugar.

Simply means give me a kiss.

9. Hissy Fit.

A hissy fit is a grown-up version of a temper tantrum that is as bad as one that a toddler would throw.

10. Hold Your Horses.

Be patient.

11. Holler.

When you say "holler" you are basically letting the other person know something.

Example: Holler at me when you are ready to get something to eat.

12. If the creek don't rise.

This saying simply means that if nothing bad happens, everything will go as planned.

13. You're as slow as molasses in the wintertime.

This phrase means that you are being EXTRA slow.

14. Muddin'.

Off-road four-wheeler riding with the intentions of getting mud everywhere and possibly losing control.

15. Skat Cat.

A phrase that can be used instead of saying "God bless you" when you sneeze.

16. There's Not A Pot Too Crooked That A Lid Won't Fit.

There is someone for everyone.

17. Pitcher.

We mostly mean a plastic container that holds sweet tea, not the position of a guy on the baseball team.

18. Reckon.

When you say "I reckon", you believe that something is true.

19. Hoot With The Owls, Soar With The Eagles.

This simple phrase means that if you are going to stay up all night, you should be able to get early in the morning.

20. Too Big For Your Britches.

Simply means that you take yourself too seriously.

21. Stompin' Grounds.

Your hometown or where you grew up.

22. Back In The Day.

Back in the day could be a month ago, a year ago, or 20 years ago.

23. You're A Spitting Image Of (Insert Family Member).

Yes, I know I'm a spitting image of my mother. "Spitting image" simply means that you look just like someone.

24. "Darlin, Sugar, Sweetheart"

These words are simply terms of endearment.

25. Buggy.

A buggy is a cart/basket at the grocery store.

Example: Who wants to push the buggy?

26. Quit Crying Or I Will Give You Something To Cry About.

This phrase simply means to quit crying and if you didn't then more than likely you got a spanking,

27. Where You Raised In A Barn?

If you are from the South, you have probably been asked this more than once, especially when you left a door open.

28. Close The Door. You Are Letting All The Good Air Out.

This southern heat is nothing to play with. It simply means to keep the door closed so the air (or heat if its winter) stays inside.

29. You Are Going To Make Me Lose My Religion.

When you say this phrase to someone, it more than likely means that person has done something to irritate you or made you mad. Thank goodness Jesus saves.

Example: You are going to make me lose my religion.

30. You Look Like A Chicken With Your Head Cut Off.

This is said when you are running around like a crazy person. It can be said if you are looking for something that you are searching for or if you are just really busy.

31. Y'all.

The southern way to say "you all".

32. You Can't Carry A Tune In A Bucket.

If you've ever been told this, it means that you can't sing.

33. Have Their Feathers Ruffled.

You normally have your "feathers ruffled" when you are pouting.

34. Two Peas In A Pod.

When you and someone else are "two peas in a pod", it means that either you almost always together or that you two are almost identical in the way you think and do things.

35. Well Butter My Butt And Call Me A Biscuit.

This saying can be used when you are surprised or excited.

36. Don't Let The Door Hit Ya Where The Good Lord Split Ya.

When someone say this they typically mean to get out and don't let the door hit you on the way out.

37. You're As Good As Gold.

When you are "as good as gold", it means that you are well-behaved and obedient.

38. It's Raining Cats And Dogs Out There.

This simply means that the rain is really coming down hard. It's not actually raining cats and dogs, people.

39. I'm Full As A Tick.

This phrase means that you ate too much food.

40. I'm Sweating More Than A Sinner In Church.

When someone says this, it means that they are really hot and sweating A LOT.

41. Pot Calling The Kettle Black.

This phrase is used when one person is guilty of the very same thing of which they accuse another person.

42. There's More Than One Way To Skin A Cat.

It means that there is anyways more than one way to fix something.

43. Shut Yo' Mouth.

Means to be quiet or hush up.

44. Whatever Floats Your Boat.

This saying means to do whatever you want to do.

45. Slap Yo' Momma.

This phrase means that something is good.

Example: This BBQ is slap yo' momma good.

46. She's Like A Bull In A China Shop.

When you tell someone this phrase, you are telling them that they are clumsy or careless in the way that they move.

47. Cuttin' A Rug.

Cuttin' a rug is used to describe dancing.

Example: Let's go cut a rug tonight.

48. Clicker.

A clicker is another name for a TV remote.

49. Slow Your Roll.

This also means to be patient.

50. You're A Hot Mess.

When you tell someone that they are a "hot mess", you are simply telling them that they don't have it together.

Cover Image Credit: silhouetteamerica.com

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10 Things We Should Do For Our Country Before Outlawing Abortion

Just take one minute to think before you act, will you?

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As we all know by now, this past week Georgia Gov. Brian Kemp signed a bill that will make performing an abortion illegal after a fetal heartbeat is detected. In 2019, Alabama passed its own abortion bill making it the most restrictive in the nation with Ohio and Mississippi following suit.

An ultrasound can detect a fetal heartbeat in as early as 6-7 weeks. This is before most women even know that they are pregnant. This raises multiple uncomfortable, jarring, but necessary questions. Why are men able to make laws regarding a woman's body? Do we except pre-teen rape victims to endure a nine-month pregnancy followed by childbirth? If enforcing stricter gun laws won't stop people from buying guns, what is telling us that stricter abortion laws will stop people from having abortions?

Instead, I would like to propose 25 alternative issues to tackle for the people of our country before we open up this can of controversial worms.

1. Homelessness

Homelessness in the US is a deepening crisis in America. In places that are doing better than ever before economically, the rates of homeless families are at an all time high.

2. Foster Care

Nearly three-quarters of US states have reported an increase in the number of children entering foster care since the year 2014. However, with this increase, there is a steep decline in families applying to be foster parents, mental health care for the kids, trauma counseling for drug abuse by a parent, and additional community resources.

3. Gun Reform

I do not want to take away your guns, caring American citizen who has a legitimate conceal to carry in order to protect yourself and others. I want to take away their guns—the mentally unstable psychopaths who think it's okay to harm others because the voices in their head told them so.

4. Plastic Waste

"Because plastic wasn't invented until the late 19th century, and production really only took off around 1950, we have a mere 9.2 billion tons of the stuff to deal with. Of that, more than 6.9 billion tons have become waste. And of that waste, a staggering 6.3 billion tons never made it to a recycling bin."

5. Student Debt

Student loan debt in 2019 is the highest ever. It is a $1.5 trillion dollar crisis.

6. Stray Animals

There are roughly 70 million stray animals living in the US today.

7. Potholes

It's just NOT THAT HARD. My car is too old to handle all of that.

8. Mental Healthcare

The American healthcare system spends roughly 5.6% of the national healthcare budget on mental health treatment.

9. Plant More Trees

Combatting climate change, cleaning the air, providing oxygen? Good enough for...literally everyone.

10. Save the bees

A third of all of our food depends on their pollination.

Regardless of our own opinions on the matter, I think it is more than fair to say that each individual should be allowed to make decisions about their own body.

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