As Christmas vastly approaches, so do finals: that hellish week that every college student dreads. You know, the week where you are so sleep-deprived that not even caffeine can perk you up? The week where you frantically e-mail your professor asking for a curve on your final grade because there's no way you'll pass your final exam without a little groveling.
There are SO many things I would rather do than take finals:
1. Grow a mustache.
2. Become a Republican.
3. Give up Starbucks.
4. Never take a selfie again.
5. Become a vegan.
6. Listen to the "Frozen" soundtrack on repeat for the rest of my life.
7. Climb Mt. Everest 30 times.
8. Get stung by a swarm of angry bees.
9. Be on a reality TV show with Kim Kardashian.
10. Bathe in mayo.
11. Only be allowed to shower with clothes on.
12. Watch "Fifty Shades of Grey" with my mom.
13. Get catfished by my dad.
14. Drive off a cliff.
15. Become an Alabama fan.
16. Swap voices with Spongebob.
17. Use a unicycle as a method of transportation.
18. Get sucked into a tornado.
19. Grow a beard.
20. Get stuck in a crowded elevator with sick people.
21. Never be able to whisper.
22. Get sentenced to life in prison.
23. Drink a gallon of prune juice.
24. Walk barefoot on hot coals.
25. Slam my fingers in a door.
26. Shave my dog.
27. Take a 7:30 morning class.
28. Run a marathon.
29. Get a tattoo of Jay Z on my forehead.
30. Work out with Chuck Norris.
31. Eat moldy cheese.
32. Eat soup with a fork.
33. Spend the night on a deserted island with Donald Trump.
34. Staple my lips together.
35. Move to North Korea.
36. Bleach my eyebrows.
37. Spend the night in a dirty, public restroom.
38. Stop watching "Orange is the New Black."
39. Throw my laptop in a lake of fire.
40. Only wear black for the rest of my life.
41. Kiss Simon Cowell on national television.
42. Get dumped on my wedding day.
43. Go on a blind date with my ex.
44. Wake up with a hangover for the rest of my life.
45. Never pet a dog again.
46. Delete my Netflix account.
47. Get my nose hairs plucked one by one.
48. Eat poison ivy.
49. Swap faces with my mom.
50. Paint my house.
51. Pour lemon juice into my eyes.
52. Learn Latin.
53. Wrestle with a crocodile.
54. Put pineapples on my pizza.
55. Jump out of a plane with no parachute.
56. Butt dial my mom during sex.
57. Delete my Hulu account.
58. Go back in time to when finals didn't exist.
59. Shave my head bald.
60. Come up with a list of things I'd rather do than study.
