Human beings thrive and learn from interaction within our own species. Personal relationships provide us with the love, support, and friendship that is necessary for us to develop. With that being said, the strength of the relationships we hold with people is left completely up to ourselves. It is simple enough to hold a friendship, but if we want our relationships to flourish, we need to utilize the skills and capacity that the human species uniquely exists with.
1. Communicate the Good Stuff
Relationships are much like plants, they need continuous love and nurturing. You can’t just go to Walmart and buy a plant, then stick it in the corner and expect it to last too long, right? We, as humans, were blessed with the ability to communicate and express feelings of emotion. Sharing your own personal excitement with people can be contagious, and may make them want to share their excitement with you in the future. When this happens, showing assurance and positivity can strengthen the relationship. Ask a lot of questions and share their enthusiasm. Showing this kind of emotional support make people feel like they can open up to you, even when in search for help or advice. Also, never pass up an opportunity to share with people that you appreciate them, whether it’s after a funny joke, or at a family gathering. Let them know.
2. Apologize.
Just saying the words, “I’m sorry”, isn’t always enough. And that’s okay. People don’t have to accept a half-assed apology if they don’t feel you’ve earned it. Apologies doesn’t only mean to utter the words; it must be shown through actions. This means expressing the regret you feel for what you did, and taking full accountability. You must genuinely repent, and then request forgiveness, though this does not always mean you will receive it.
3. Avoid contempt.
They’re going to make you mad. You’re going to want to call them names, and maybe deliberately try to hurt their feelings. Don’t. Don’t do this. I know it’s hard. But every time you want to say, “you’re such a jerk!” replace it with, “I feel this way for this reason”. Replacing “you” statements with “I” statements can make the other person feel less attacked, thus less likely to get defensive and strike back, causing a “snowball effect”, as my mother used to call it.
4. Compromise.
It’s not all about you. Relationships require a 50/50 effort from both parties, and this sometimes means making sacrifices for the other side. If you want to stay in and she wants to go dancing, go dancing tonight then have a movie night on the couch tomorrow. Compromising can also make it possible to come to an agreement in a fight that can satisfy the needs of each party involved.
5. Don’t stage-hog.
If somebody is comfortable enough coming to you for help with something, don’t make them regret it. Don’t start talking about how, “Oh my gosh, I totally had that problem the other day,” right when they finish talking. Listen to them. Instead of making it about yourself, tell them how to solve this problem if you just had the same one. The same goes for good news. It isn’t a competition. Don’t steal somebody’s spotlight when they’re excited about something.
6. Forgive.
Some things are harder than others to forgive. However, it helps to think about a time that you did something wrong, and the other person was able to forgive you for it. The most effective conversations include an explicit statement about what happened, and why it made you feel the way it did. A discussion of what is in store for the future of the relationship is then in order.
