Trust is a complicated thing. And by “complicated,” I mean, “unquestionably and nut-twistingly frustrating.” Because it isn’t possible to survive a 365-day year alone, you have to put trust into things like car-insurance wielding geckos and Subway employees help you get through it. And sometimes these things let you down, and it can be rather irksome. And by “irksome,” I mean “unquestionably and nut-twistingly frustrating.”
But like Waldo hiding behind so many strangers, there are sometimes subtle things in life that are always there for you, even when it seems like they aren’t. Such as...
1. Hand sanitizer
Well dammit. The horse you were going to bet on for the upcoming race got in a drunken fight at the bar last night and broke its leg. This would seem like a pretty bad day for most, but at least your hand sanitizer is going to kill 99.99% of all the bacteria on your hands. That’s almost 100%.
2. Kayla’s snapchat story
You just got back to your apartment to find a voicemail from your mother informing you that she left home with the horse who had let you down just the day before. Things are looking pretty grim, huh? But hey, don’t forget how good Kayla’s snapchat stories always are. They are always very consistent, exciting without an air of pretentiousness, and never more than 6 seconds long.
3. Paper clips
You sit down at your desk to write a letter to your mother detailing how you don’t approve of her leaving your father for an alcoholic and violent race horse, but what do you know? The stapler is broken. But hey, it’s ok. Paper clips come in packs of like 300 and never break on their own. Like I think it’s pretty much impossible.
4. The person you awkwardly try to avoid in class
Feeling a bit betrayed by the world, you decide to sleep it off. When you wake up the next morning, you get a call from your father, who tells you that because of the horse situation, he’s given up on watching "Breaking Bad," even though he was just about to get to the good part. It may seem like no one on Earth is there for you anymore, but that weird kid who knew too much about you when you met will always be there, two seats diagonal to you every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday.
5. A broken forklift
After you discover that the horse had a family of horses before your mother ran off with him, you decide to take a walk around the neighborhood, where you discover a forklift. You think, “why not?” and hop on. You mess around with the controls until it lifts you up a solid 20 feet into the air. As it turns out, this forklift is broken, and it will never, ever let you down.
6. Zip ties
One day, as you’re skulking around your apartment, your mother knocks on the door, tells you that she left the drunkard horse, and apologizes for everything. You forgive her, but tell her that you can’t really trust her again. She says that she understands, but you know what you can trust? Zip ties. It seems like no matter what you do to those things, they never come undone.
