1. I have to make this #1 because it’s the clearest of them all: no one else knows how to drive.
Cue the criticism (because I’m a girl), but I truly do not understand what urges our fellow Americans to drive like their car is running off of biscuits and gravy. Also, I still don’t get how enduring NE snowstorms gives us the ability to switch lanes at a much more reasonable speed - but I guess somehow it does. Really, we’re not being rude, we’re just trying to MOVE!
2. There’s a clear lack of coffee shops.
Dunk’s may be sugar-water, but at least it’s conveniently everywhere. I don’t even like coffee that much. But, you know, sometimes your girl needs a doughnut, and everywhere else in America wants to make it some sort of treasure hunt… It’s degrading, okay?
3. Everyone else (falsely) thinks their team is the best, too.
I mean it’s great to be supportive of your team, but you’d think these other fans would dial it down a little after a couple of losing seasons. Thank God us Massholes have enough confidence in the GOAT to just laugh it off when the haters hate. Now, imagine if we were as feisty as Seahawks fans.
4. To be frank, the coast is Nice.
And, I don’t mean to talk down on any westerner or southerner, because those areas have their charm. But, the coast, and definitely Mass, begins to seem like a touched-up America once you travel around. There’s bigger houses, and way more cities. The highways have more than two lanes, and you can actually pick and choose what you’d like to do and where you’d like to go every night. You begin to wonder what people “out there” do for fun, and you start to appreciate all of the opportunities here.
5. Our nature is more than just sub-par.
After a day or two of driving through rolling cornfields you feel yourself starting to dream of the Massachusetts forestry. That’s when I realized I grew up absolutely neglecting the nature around me. Mass has it all. Taller trees, greener grass, oh and the OCEAN, too. Of course, I have my bias, but I think it goes without saying that a trip across the country will make you appreciate the insanely evolved and wildly varying landscapes that we have here.
6. Your roots will follow you…
We try so hard to rid the cruel, cruel stereotype of being a Masshole. Tipping extra, waiting a little too long holding the door for that local who saw your license plate at the gas station… But, it seems no matter what, the target follows us around from state to state. What we ironically know is that there’s hardly any truth to it. Hardly.
