Heartbreak is... well, heartbreaking. Whether you are doing the dumping, or the one being dumped, there will still be an almost empty feeling. Thankfully, I have been in a relationship with an amazing man for about a year and a half now, but we did have our fair share of problems about a year ago. The problems led up to me deciding to ask for a break. And it wasn't until we started actually having a break and not talking and texting all the time that I felt empty. I have had "heartbreaks" before him, but no guy that I was truly in love with. Thankfully, we both decided the break was not improving us, but only destroying us so we decided to call it quits and have been happy since. But, he wasn't the first guy who ever left a feeling on my heart. Years before, I had dated a guy on and off for about a year, and every time we broke up it was like he drove a truck straight through my heart. Being heartbroken is miserable and you feel helpless. One of my good friends recently got out of an almost three year long relationship. Of course, she's kind of miserable. She's still in the "eat Ben and Jerry's and cry while watching chick flicks" phase, while trying to convince herself to stop texting him even though she really wants to. But, eventually she will come out and feel stronger than ever in her new independence - a feeling I wish I knew before I had my first actual heartbreak. So, after trying to comfort her I realized there is a list of things every girl or boy who has ever been or is currently heartbroken needs to see.
1. Do Not Expect Anything From Him/Her
I know you want to. But, you can't. Whether you guys are on a break or actually broken up, do not expect anything from your former lover. Whether you're expecting them to immediately be your best friend, to fight for you back or to even just wave at you in the hallway at school - do. not. expect. anything. from. them. Real talk, they may hate you. I know that's not what you were expecting to hear, you were expecting me to be mushy and say "they just need time" weren't you? Well no. They may hate you and not want to see you. Stop expecting anything from them, piece yourself back together, and start working on you. It doesn't matter what they're up to. If you two are meant to be, you'll find your way back.
2. You Can't Dwell on This
You cannot dwell on your old relationship. Where is that going to get you? Oh right, nowhere. I'm not saying it's easy, because it's not. But you can do it. If you want advice, my advice is when you think of your former significant other, do not put them as #1. A lot of mistake people make is when they think about on their old relationship, they only think about the good times and see their old lover as the best they are ever going to get. That's not true. I'm not asking you to see your ex as some kind of evil villain, but I do not want you to only picture them as the do-gooder hero of the town. When you think of all the good memories, don't forget to think of what went wrong too. If you think of your former lover as someone who is perfect and you're nothing without them, you are only hurting yourself.
3. Don't Close Yourself Off
I'm not saying you go date some immediately, because that is also a very bad idea. But, be open to the fact that your ex - whether you're breaking up or on a break - may not be the one.That doesn't mean you're going to be alone forever and never get married and end up with 1,000 cats. You're not. You're going to find someone, someone who makes you look at your ex and ask "Why was I even upset over that loser?" Maybe this year isn't your year for finding your one true love, maybe it's the year for finding yourself.
4. Valentine's Day Is a Made Up Holiday by Hallmark
I know you're going to try and fight me on this one. Valentine's Day is a day to celebrate St. Valentine - a man who performed secret Christian marriages, which at the time were banned by Emperor Claudias because he wanted his soldiers to not be married so they would fight harder, and because of doing that he was imprisoned and tortured. St. Valentine was then killed in three parts by a beating, stoning and then being decapitated. The holiday apparently started because the last thing St. Valentine wrote was "from your valentine." Now, Hallmark and candy companies took this idea and ran with it. Don't be upset you don't have someone on that day because it's really a pointless holiday. It exists for flower, candy and card companies to make money and for restaurants to be overcrowded.
5. It's a Bad Day, Not a Bad Life
6. Realize How Much Stress Just Left Your Life
I'm going to take a wild guess and say by you and your former significant lover deciding to call it quits, there was a lot of fighting between the two of you to get you to this point. AND NOW ALL THAT FIGHTING IS OVER. No more fighting, no more running out the room because he/she said something mean, no more slamming doors, no more angry texts, no more silent treatments. That's done for now. You are completely free of all the arguments.
I know I'm making it sound easy, and heartbreak is anything but easy. But you will learn to love again. All of this will soon be over and you'll be feeling stronger than you ever have before. And in the words of Theresa Russo...
man running in forestPhoto by 
