I fell in love this year. It was unexpected, non-traditional, and chaotic. While I do not regret sharing my love with somebody else and being vulnerable, I let it go too far and ignored advice from the most important woman in my life, my mother.
The red flags were there. The boy I had become head over heels for was not making the same efforts I was to build a relationship. Instead, in my naive ways, I trusted him. I remember the first time he made me really upset. It involved an encounter when we were both out at the bar on the weekend that led to me walking home alone, in the the pouring rain, crying. Dramatic, I know. But I called my mother that night, explained my feelings and how devoted I was already to this person, and right then and there she told me something so simple, yet important, that I chose to ignore: protect your heart.
Instead, I did the exact opposite. I continued to let this guy use me time after time, and when he'd do something that really upset me, I'd call my mother again, most of the time waking her up in the middle of the night. She'd listen and try her best to not judge me or my actions, but she knew this guy was not worthy of her daughter. I could hear it in her silence when I'd explain a story.
The worse part about hearing my mothers advice was that she was right. She would remind me to remember my morals, faith in God, and to love myself again. There was a point where I felt completely helpless and broken. Then she did something that made me realize that she knew what she was talking about. She told me her story. She had been in my shoes. She understood the mistakes I was making. And for her to open up in that way showed that she was doing everything in her power to protect my heart.
After that point, shame on me. I knew what I was doing to myself, and I knew that the person who I "loved" was never going to return that emotion.
Unfortunately, It took about a year of trying to regain that confidence to step away from someone who was completely toxic to me. I should have walked away the first time my mother ensured me I was not being treated right, and while I regret not doing so, I have learned my lesson. While I do still believe you should allow yourself to fall in love and have an open heart, I now understand true love is not possible without mutual respect between you and your partner. I also understand that if I continue to strive to be the best version of myself, make my mother proud, and remain faithful, the right person will come along.
