She was asking for it.
Dress how you want to be addressed.
He was drunk, it wasn't his fault.
Don't be so selfish. You might ruin someone's college career!
Are you sure you aren't overreacting?
How often we hear these sentiments expressed. On television shows, social media, even the rare occasion when people meet up to discuss uncomfortable topics in person; not hiding in the safety of their home. An unknown voice behind a vague username, actively projecting their ideas to the world.
Nobody is "asking" for it. We all are allowed to dress however we damn well want to, it's a free country. Just because I wear a pair of shorts does not give you permission to leer at me as I walk by, or to grab at me as if I'm a piece of meat laid out for your inspection and choosing.
Sexual assault isn't about selfishness. It's about trauma. The number of college students who have been assaulted is astounding -- everyone is aware of the sickening statistics that accompany collegiate sexual violence. And it's really not getting any better. Sexual assault can not only incur shame and depression but more severe mental illness such as PTSD. This isn't something to joke about.
I've heard many people discussing sexual assault and how to seek help, as if it's some easy procedure. Maybe a bit uncomfortable, like going to the dentist. One easy visit every couple months and you're done, right?
Let me enlighten you: it is not easy. It will never be easy. What is easy is to bury this trauma beneath everyday necessities such as homework, taking care of a house, children, you name it. I've done so myself. It's incredible how persuasive our minds can be. We might even begin to believe that it was just a bad dream, an unwanted fear or a lingering memory from a TV show we watched last week.
It's not. Repressing these memories only causes further harm to the person assaulted. Seeking help is not so easy either. Many colleges opt out of progressing cases of sexual assault further. A reprehensible example of inaction on their part.
Why am I writing this, you ask? Because even if you were not assaulted, there's a pretty good chance you know someone who was. Or maybe you know a perpetrator. Sexual assault is condemned by many it seems, but at the same time, it remains a topic of twisted humor and inappropriate jokes. It's sickening, is what it is. When media figures such as Stephen Colbert poke fun at it in sketches, it degrades the people truly suffering. It makes those who carry this pain feel as if they are invalidated as if they are liars, attention seekers...on top of all of the other "normal" worries we must deal with.
Often, life seems to be going great, until someone asks how you are doing and you dissolve into tears -- with no concept of why. When they ask why you feel this way, you can't tell them.
You don't want to be a nuisance.
You don't want to recognize what has happened. It's easier to just move on, and forget about it.
Right?
