We've all had problems with these little things. Here are 50 ways to kill a spider. Some may be more useful than others, and most of these should not be tried at home... so use caution (and sanity)!

1. Grab something and squish the spider with it. (Suggested method).

2. Burn the house down. (Other suggested method).

3. Yell for someone else and have them squish it.

4. Use your car.

5. If you don’t have a car, find someone who does have a car. Drive whatever you end up with through your front door, into your house, and over the spider. (I recommend using the front tires. More control.)

6. Play ping-pong with the spider, but don’t give it a paddle. You might consider using the spider as the ball.

7. Google pictures of spiders and see what kind you have. This will probably disturb you so much that you won’t be able to do very much about the actual spider, but you’ll know what to tell the fire department when they come to your house.

8. Find a flyswatter. Use the flyswatter on the spider and pray it will be enough.

9. I’ve heard that Raid works well. Of course, I’ve also heard that only Spider Raid works on spiders and that aliens touch down in Roswell, New Mexico quite frequently.

10. Catch pneumonia. Sneeze on the spider. Hope it dies before you do.

11. Suck the spider up with your vacuum cleaner. (Do not attempt unless you can keep from thinking about the chance that it doesn’t die in the process and manages to escape to places unknown.)

12. Call the government. They will probably be able to help you.

13. Lava. (See number 43).

14. Bring out your inner Yzma from "The Emperor’s New Groove." Trap the spider in a box. Buy a house in Timbuktu. Tape up the box and send it to Timbuktu. Receive the box at your new house in Timbuktu, and squish the whole thing with a giant hammer! Mwua-ha-ha-ha! (If you do try this one, please message me in the comments and let me know how this turned out for you.)

15. Realize that you’re dreaming. Wake up. Never sleep again.

16. When the government doesn’t return your calls, call the FBI. They will surely be able to help you.

17. Find an old lady that swallowed a fly.

18. Pray.

19. Give up on the house. Fly away to Aruba and live a long, happy life, sipping fancy drinks on the beach. (Avoid beach spiders.)

20. Flamethrower.

21. Surreptitiously sneak towards the tiny demon before you. Take a moment to marvel at its eight beady eyes and tiny, hairy body. Raise the tissue you have clenched in your fist…dimly notice for the first time the exact posture that it has been holding—legs bent close to its body—bring the tissue down on it!!

.....…It was a jumping spider. It jumped on you. You are now dead. Congratulations. Try again next time.

22. Find the cure for cancer. When the Nobel people come, make your new secretary/assistant squish the spider for you.

23. (This is probably the point where I’m supposed to advise you to call 911, but honestly, people do that in real life…so don’t do that unless you actually just got bit by a spider and are legit swelling up or something.)

24. Go to Hobby Lobby, flirt with someone, make them your Facebook-official boyfriend or girlfriend, propose to them, start writing your wedding vows, and casually mention that you’d love it if they would kill a teensy, weensy spider for you. (And then end up losing your future spouse because that is very, very passive-aggressive. Shame on you.)

25. Lobby for freer gun laws and shoot the spider.

26. Go on Facebook and set up a poll for what you should do to kill the spider. (Ignore your little brother’s recommendation.)

27. Take a minute and think about this. Do you really need to kill the spider?

28. Pray for fire and brimstone.

29. Break your mom’s favorite vase and blame the spider.

30. Call all of your housemates and play rock-paper-scissors until the loser/sacrifice is chosen. Close the loser in the room with the spider and do not open the door until the screams have died away! Mwua-ha-ha! (Okay, maybe don’t try this one.)

31. When the FBI says that it’ll put you on the "LIST" and hangs up on you, call back and ask for Scully or Mulder. They will definitely be able to help you.

32. Pour yourself a bowl of cereal. Empty milk cartons make great squishing machines.

33. Perhaps you can move the spider to a different home. Find an empty glass and a piece of paper. Put the glass over the spider. Watch and freak out as the little beast starts moving and tries to get out of its glass prison. Forget trying to move the thing—spiders are creepy. Use one of the other 49 methods listed here to kill the thing.

34. Politely ask the spider to get the heck out of your house.

35. Build a time machine, go back to the Garden of Eden, and burn the first spider’s house down. (Warning: may damage the fabric of time. However, if you take out the first mosquito as well, I don’t think that anyone would mind.)

36. Dig through your closet and find a shoe that you don’t care about. Use said shoe to squish said spider.

37. Lobby for stricter gun laws and have one of your new Liberal friends shoot the spider.

38. Have I mentioned fire?

39. Leave the house and never ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever come back.

40. Dare the spider to do the Cinnamon Challenge and don’t lose.

41. Call your mom and ask her what you should do. When you don’t like her suggestion, go through all the other ideas on this list before finally going back and doing what she told you to do in the first place.

42. Buy a pet frog. Frogs eat bugs.

43. Call up a bunch of different moving companies to see which one will move you out for the cheapest amount. When you find the cheapest one, have them move your entire house to a volcano and drop the house into the molten lava. Bye-bye, spider guy.

44. Buy a bar of chocolate. It won’t help with the spider, but it’ll make you feel better. (If that doesn’t work, try wine.)

45. Watch one of your favorite music videos and fangirl/fanboy over everything. Perhaps the loud squeals of joy will burst the spider’s eardrums.

46. Okay…addendum to number 45. Try one of the other options, because apparently spiders don’t have ears. You can still fangirl/fanboy if you want though. Maybe the spider will join in and you can befriend it.

47. Tell the spider to clean its room and do the dishes. If you’re lucky, it’ll think you’re its tyrannical, new step-parent and run away from home.

48. Pay off all my college loans and I will come to your house and kill the spider for you.

49. Take your time trying any of these ideas. Take too much time. Turn back around and find that the little beast has disappeared.

50. Get out the gasoline. Burn the house down.