We've all been on first dates, and if you haven't, listen up. The worst thing you can do for yourself and the potential relationship in front of you is be someone you're not. Why? Because if you put a false foot forward, and your date enjoys it, you've now tricked them into thinking they like you, when in reality, they like someone you've become for the moment. If you trap someone, you've trapped them. Congratulations, but what kind of relationship do you now partake in? This isn't one of those game shows where you can choose love or money; at that point you're just hurting someone and not being true to yourself.
So, don't play up attributes you don't have, and don't play down characteristics and interests you do have.
What girls and guys don't seem to understand on a wide scale is that you're either going to be with the person you're on a date with, or you're not. You could be looking at the person you'll be in love with for the rest of your life, or someone you'll never see again. So take a nice big gulp of that honest tea and settle yourself in.
It also seems lost on people that there is indeed an in between. You could find a close friend in this entertaining lunch where you both ordered salads and have no remorse for it. Not every person you meet is going to be “the one”, but that is no reason to discount them as a person or put them in a position where they can’t be a good friend to you and you to them. Something attracted you to this person and while it may have been their looks or their interest in a venti frappuccino with soy, a pump of vanilla and an extra shot (no whip), they don't have to drop from future husband or wife to a story you tell your friends when the week is up.
The person you're out on a date with has already given you the opportunity to show more of yourself, there’s no reason to be secretive here. If you've actually made it to the date, you have come farther along than you might think. There are many an exit before the two of you make it here, so when you sit down or lean against the bar and take a look at your date, take a deep breath. They're at least sort of into you or you wouldn't be this far. It’s also a great reason to speak your mind and feel a bit more comfortable. Don't go hiding yourself and acting sheepish when they are here to know more about you.
You also have a license to bit quirky. First dates can be weird, awkward and slightly uncomfortable. For me, that doesn't really happen. But, I hear that’s true for some people ... Being awkward is cute if you've made it to the point where you can admit that you're nervous or that you lack that bone that somehow makes you comfortable in generally weird situations. The concept of a date is ancient and strange, but there you are. So, hike up your hoop skirt and get ready for a good time.
If you're just not that into the other person, don't fake it. There’s nothing more awkward than getting all the way through a date, thinking everything went smoothly when the mood changes and suddenly it's all about getting home and snuggling up with your best cabernet to soothe your ego into thinking, It’s them, not me. Right, sauvignon?
If you're taking someone out, gentlemen AND ladies, part of respecting the date and the person you're with is paying for the date you asked them to go on with you. While it is polite for the other person to offer, and acceptable to take them up on it if need be. It is massively uncool to get the bill and slap the person with a, “so, are we splitting this?” Even if it wasn’t the date you pictured, and you’re going home with an unfortunate feeling, maintain your respectful nature and pay for the date you asked for.
Finally, and potentially most importantly: the post-date struggle is not a struggle, it is in your head. If you are the girl that asks your friends about every text and takes your mom’s advice on how to respond, STOP. Oh my god. Stop. Your friends may love you anyway, but they want you to stand on your own and figure it out. Want to text them? Text them. Want to call them? Call them. Don’t? Don’t. When it comes to what to say, the only person that knows how you feel and what you’re thinking is you. So quit dragging people into your relationship when it should be between you and your friend/significant other/dude on the other end of the technology.
Okay, so in the nitty-gritty of things there might be 50 ways to screw up your first, second or third date. But at least you don’t have to play games and pretend to be someone or something you’re not. The worst that could happen is he or she doesn’t like you, but whose fault is that if you don’t even put your true self out their in the first place. Take a chance and keep taking a chance because it would really put your knickers in a twist to find out you already met the person of your dreams but weren't yourself enough to keep them around. If you remember nothing else, whether it’s a candlelit dinner, a coffee in the park, a hike, a painting class, a pottery tutorial or a rock concert, you’re never fully dressed without a smile ... and underwear, definitely underwear.
