I grew up watching "Gilmore Girls" reruns on ABC Family after school and own all the seasons on boxed sets. But since the release of the show on Netflix earlier this month, I have been newly obsessed. I feel like I have strong connection to the characters, and my friends and I spend time actively debating seemingly “useless” topics, like how Lorelai should have dealt with the Max broken-engagement differently, or the complexities of the Rory Gilmore Ice Cream Queen debacle. 

But as I’ve been re-watching the show, I’m often struck by just how unrealistic it is - which is totally heartbreaking because the mother-daughter duo are an inspiration to us all. Here are a few of the ways we’ve been duped: 

1. Perhaps the most obvious sham on the show is the conjunction of Rory and Lorelai’s endless appetites and effortless perfect figures. Yes, seeing two beautiful women devouring pizzas and candy is extremely endearing, but it’s also THE BIGGEST LIE EVER. I sure experienced the freshman weight gain and I didn’t eat half as bad as they do. 

Watching them trot around complaining about exercise and eating takeout from three different restaurants is a cause of great pain and jealousy for me. They really should weigh 300 pounds and have some serious health issues. But no, they’re perfect. If any scientist ever figures out the self-titled “Lorelai Paradox,” I would like to be the first to know. 

2. So recently, I just picked out a random episode to watch and it was from season five, where Rory was just moving back for her sophomore year at Yale. Hold the phone, how can I be the same age as Rory Gilmore? She’s so intelligent and mature, and have I mentioned this before, all-around perfect?!

Anyway this brings me to my second point: a totally unrealistic representation of college. Why is her dorm room so big? Why don’t we see her studying more? Why is she able to go home and hang out with her mom so much on the weekends? Why is Paris Gellar her only friend at Yale? Why do we never see her with sweatpants, greasy hair and no makeup? We need answers, people!

3. On the topic of Rory and her small social circle, how does she get so many boyfriends - and drop-dead gorgeous ones at that? She barely does anything and these great guys just drop into her lap! How is that fair? It isn’t! 

Lastly, how does she interact so flawlessly with these guys? Like she makes these awkward little comments and they always laugh and fall further in love with her. I swear some of the things she says would never work if I said them. How come her witty repertoire always goes over so well? It’s not even a little bit fair. 

4. Out of such a dazzling cast, it’s shocking that Sukie St. James (Melissa McCarthy) is the biggest star of them all. What are Luke, Logan, Ms. Patty, Brian, Zach, Gil, etc. all doing with their lives now? Why doesn’t Kirk have his own variety show? If these shining stars can’t make it in the biz, then who can? What hope is there for anyone else? 

5. Don’t get me wrong, I love Lorelai Gilmore, but she has a tendency to commit some serious fashion crimes (a trait which at times seems inherited by her daughter as well). Yes, I know we’re talking about the early 2000’s here and there’s no way around something being dated, but often while watching the show, I’m struck with, “Oh my God, what is she wearing” horror. 

I’m not just talking about the pink tee/mini-cutoffs fiasco of season one; I’m talking bandanas, furry sleeves, strange scarves - a whole nightmare of accessories. Alas, if only it was as simple as Luke’s standard backwards baseball cap/flannel shirt repertoire. Oh well, you can’t put fashion rules on spunk! However, if the rest of us were to wear some of her items to work or dinner with our parents we might not be so widely accepted. 

Oy with the poodles already. Stars Hollow forever.