Personal hygiene is important. Everyone knows that. You have to wash yourself at least somewhat regularly or you'll become like Pumba from The Lion King, whose chronic flatulence doubled as social repellent. Before you know it, you'll have to start eating bugs and living with a "platonic" meerkat friend. But just because it's important, doesn't mean it's fun. Maybe some people act like they like it, but deep down I think we all know that it's a bit of a pain. Not the worst thing in the world. More of an inconvenience. Or maybe I'm just lazy. But I'm sure there are other people out there who are lazy too, and understand what it's like to internally groan at the thought of going through the ordeal of showering.
1. You've figured out exactly how long you can go without washing your hair.
You've probably taken note of exactly how many days it takes for your hair goes from looking like Rapunzel's golden locks to looking like they've been dunked in a grease trap. You probably also have a collection of headbands, and have become an expert at disguising dirty hair as a perky ponytail.
2. You'll try to keep your hair and face as in tact as possible.
Really the worst part of showering is having to do your hair and makeup after. Making yourself the picture of perfection takes effort. And every time you take a shower, you're taking that picture and turning it back in to a blank slate. But if you can somehow shower without getting your hair or your face wet, half the work will already be done.
3. You feel accomplished when no one can tell how long it's been.
If anyone tells me how great my dirty hair looks, I will proudly declare, "Thanks, it's been ___ days (use your imagination) since I last showered!" To which they reply, "Really? Well you can't tell!" Occasionally they will express some distaste at this fact when they really ought to be impressed. They're just jealous because they don't have the same talent for disguising swampiness with curled hair and a headband.
4. You always carefully weigh the pros and cons of showering versus getting more sleep.
Showering is essential to looking your best, but so is beauty sleep. Which would you rather have, a slight, imperceptible coating of dirt on your body, or huge, grotesque bags under your eyes? When your alarm goes off at 8:30, your first thought is probably going to be, "Is there anything I can do to prolong my sleep?" Not showering is the answer, my friend.
5. You might have devised creative ways to avoid getting bored in the shower.
Showers are not incredibly exciting. There's not much to do or look at besides the walls and the water, but you might burn your eyes if you try to stare directly into the shower head. You could pass the time reading the shampoo bottles, but after about three or four times it gets a little boring. A lot of people bring speakers into the bathroom with them, but if even that's not enough, you can bring your phone in a plastic baggie and watch Netflix. If you suffer from fomo (fear of missing out), you can even text your friends, that way you don't have to miss anything for those ten to fifteen minutes. If you keep yourself entertained, your experience will be much more bearable. Maybe you can even shower twice a week now (please shower more than twice a week).
