You’re single.
You’re free.
You’re proud.
You need everyone to be aware of how great you’re doing on your own. In case Josh sees.
What better way to announce your independence than to aggressively tweet about it, day and night? Think about it. You don’t want people coming to your twitter, and just assuming that you’re still sad about Josh because all you tweet about is current events and pop culture. Imagine what’s going through their heads! "Wow, 6 tweets in a row about the Grammy’s? She must be trying to cover up how sad she is about Josh." Embarrassing.
Time to reroute. Everything you tweet for the next six months must somehow link back to why you’re doing great on your own. Don’t worry–you don’t have to do it alone. Here are 5 tweets that will prove you’re doing great on your own. Hopefully they get retweeted onto Josh’s timeline.
“I love having a queen-sized bed all to myself #comfy”
This tweet is perfect. It shows everyone that you’re enjoying your freedom. Who’s Josh anyway? But it also says that there’s technically room in your bed for another person. Perfect in case Josh sees.
“Anyone wanna get sushi later?”
This tweet says that you’re cultured, which is great. It also says that you’re single and open to anyone joining you for a spicy tuna roll. Perfect in case Josh sees, because technically he is anyone. And sushi happens to be his favorite food.
“The new x-men movie was amazing”
This tweet screams independence. It’s great because everyone will see that you’re enjoying date-type activities without Josh. But in case Josh sees, it’s perfect because he loves X-Men. So he’ll see that you still have a lot in common.
“I’d rather stay in and eat pizza than go out any night”
This tweet says you’re comfortable with your own company. How independent. But Josh loves pizza, so in case he sees this, it’s safe.
“It’s nice living a drama-free life”
No relationship? No drama. Glad you’re enjoying all of that freedom. But it also says, “Josh, I’m not dramatic anymore, don’t worry.”
These are all guaranteed to make Josh think you’re doing great. I mean everyone else.
