You know how it goes--you wake up in the morning, hit snooze approximately five times, begrudgingly open your eyes, and immediately reach for your phone.
Amongst the notifications from Snapchat, text messages, ESPN, and a solitary retweet, you see the dreaded "Your Timehop today is ready!" and you know that you have to brace yourself for what's about to come.
When we read our old Facebook statuses, chaos is bound to ensue. I decided to venture into the archives of my Facebook, and for your enjoyment and mine, analyze the sheer ridiculousness of Facebook statuses of Emmys past. Without further ado, please enjoy the five thoughts you have whilst reading old Facebook statuses.
1. Oh, God.
Okay, like first thing's first here, sorry to my sisters for not capitalizing either of your names. You don't deserve that disrespect.
But really, why do I post these things? I'm sure everyone on my friends list WANTED this update from my life. Like who cares, Emmy? Get your life together.
2. YOU DON'T NEED TO SPELL EVERYTHING WITH THAT MANY EXTRA LETTERS WHAT WERE YOU DOOOIIIINNNNNNGGGGGG!
In case you didn't know, it's absolutely essential to increase the amount of letters in a word. It really draws the eye and lets everyone know how stupid you are. I wish I could say this status was an anomaly, but really, every status I made had this kind of heinous extra-lettering. I'm the actual worst.
Side note, if you didn't put a space between the end of the word and the punctuation, were you even 14?
3. What were we talking about? No, actually, just kidding, I don't want to know.
When I first saw this status update (from the same date as the one above, mind you), I was mildly intrigued as to what the context was. As I got to thinking, though, I realized that I'd rather not know. Ignorance is bliss, as they say.
Also, please notice that I got no likes or comments. I'm only a little salty about it.
4. Oh no, here come the emotional heartbreak statuses. Please no. Let's just not.
This is me at fifteen thinking the world was ending. Please excuse me while I go vomit. Was I really that annoying? This is only a sample of the emotional statuses, people.
5. LAME, LAME, LAME, LAME, LAME
Because posting little sayings like these was the thing to do. You would google "Facebook quotes" or "love quotes" and then proceed to immediately update your status. It's fine. The best part about this is probably the fact that my younger sister, who was 14 at the time, commented this:
I could go on and on about the horrors of old Facebook statuses for pages and pages, but I think that I would probably implode. Truth is, (see what I did there), we all have some pretty cringe-worthy Facebook moments--and if you're ever in need of a laugh, your fourteen-year-old self is there, ready and waiting to provide you with one.
