From the beginning of time people have gathered around food, according to me, just now.

But really, think about it. Need to drop a bomb on your parents? Take them out for dinner. Meeting up with some friends you haven’t seen in a while? Meet up at the bar for some margs and the occasional appetizer. Celebrating something? Find the nearest restaurant with a party room.

It’s common sense: food brings people together.

Not only is it a delicious and fun outing all in one, but the best part is you’re going to have someone else bringing you literally anything you want. You don’t have to do dishes, you don’t have to go grocery shopping, you don’t have to act like you enjoy standing in front of a pot for fifteen minutes “occasionally stirring.” Someone else does it all for you, and that “someone else” is called your waiter.

This person waits on your every whim. They bring you a side of sour cream five times throughout your meal because you eat a disgustingly large amount of sour cream. They make sure your drink is never empty and they do it all (mostly) with a smile on their face. Why do they do this? Do they enjoy waiting on other people? Do they enjoy being told what to do and when to do it by complete strangers, all in the hopes of getting a 20 percent tip at the end of the meal?

Probably not. Now listen up, because there are some things your waiter needs you to know.

We don’t make your food.

This may come as a shock to you, but we aren’t the ones going back in the kitchen and making your meal with our two hands. We simply take your order, put it into the system, wait for it to be made and then walk that meal out to you. So for the love of all that is holy, stop taking it out on us if something comes out wrong.

Did you ask for beef and get chicken? Then please, please let us know kindly and we will be more than happy to fix it for you. Odds are we put it in right, and something was mixed up in the kitchen (which by the way can happen when two people are making meals for 40 people). We want you to have an enjoyable experience, not only because we’re (usually) decent people, but because a happy guest means a nice tip. Which brings me to my next point…

We’re not personally against you.

We aren’t doing everything in our power to ensure you have a terrible experience. We’re not plotting against you and your family, so stop acting like it.

If something is making you unhappy, tell us and we’ll do everything we can to fix it.

We aren’t in control of the temperature in the building, nor are we in control of the noise in the booth next to you. If we are out of something you asked for, please don’t take it out on us, because guess what? We’re not in control of ordering food, drinks, utensils, etc. We’re simply the middle man between you and the food you ordered.

We don’t enjoy being treated like your personal servant.

I know right? How ridiculous of us to ask to be treated as human beings who just have a job to do.

A simple “please” and “thank you” will go a long way. The kinder you are to us, the more eager we’ll be to help you, and the more pleasant your experience will be.

So please stop talking down to us. Stop making snide remarks to us and thinking it’s okay because “you’re paying for your meal.”

Your tip is essentially all the money we make.

Oh boy, here comes the big one.

Contrary to what must be popular belief, we don’t make $10 an hour. We don’t even make minimum. We make between $2-5 an hour, and we don’t even see that money because our friends in the government take it before it can even touch our bank accounts.

We tip out the bussers, the hosts and the bartenders, so leaving a $4 tip on an $80 meal essentially means that we just paid for you to come have us wait on you.

I don’t know who spread the rumor that $5 is always an acceptable tip, but newsflash: it’s not. On a $20 bill? Definitely. On a $100 bill? You might as well just take it with you, because clearly you need it more than we do.

If your food was hot and the way you wanted it, if your drinks were always being filled up, if your server was pleasant to you, then for the love of God give him or her a decent tip.

You are not their only table.

Before you roll your eyes and complain that, "Oh my God you know that," hear me out.

As a waitress, part of my job is to ensure you that anything you need, I can get. Anything you want, I can do for you. Hence the title "server." So if it happens that you somehow forget that I have other tables, and start to think that I must be just waiting on your party, wouldn't that mean that I'm doing pretty damn good at my job? Probably.

However, you're not your waiter's only table. So let's say you get your meal and everything is perfect, but you decide, "Ya know, I think I'll want some more cheese in a few minutes." So you casually ask your server for an extra side of cheese for your meal, to which they very kindly promise to get to you in no time at all.

Well, on their way back to the kitchen to get that for you, the table behind you wants to order another round of drinks, and two desserts that just so happen to need to be hand-made. The table behind them requests their checks, and presses that they are "in a hurry," so the faster the better.

What started as a quick trip to the kitchen just turned into a whirlwind of who-needs-what and what's-the-quickest-way-to-get-all-of-this-out. In the chaos of making the desserts and correcting a drink order, along with printing receipts and dividing checks, your side of cheese is forgotten.

Repeat after me: you are not their only table. Patience is key. Kindly remind them that you're still waiting for that cheese – odds are they'll rush back to the kitchen and have it for you in under thirty seconds.

Now I can’t speak for the rest of the servers out there, but I didn’t grow up aspiring to be a waitress. I do it because rent and tuition won’t pay for themselves. And surprisingly, I don't hate my job. I get to talk to people all night, I get to laugh with my coworkers and occasionally get a free dinner. I don't mind waiting tables. What I do mind, however, is seeing another server bust his/her ass all night for a $2 tip and a complaint to the manager about how long the food took and how awful the server was because of it.

So be conscious of what you're saying and what you're asking for. Recognize that while you're asking your waitress for one thing, every other table in their section could be asking for fifteen other things. Be patient with us, because we're more than patient with you. Talk to us, treat us like human beings, and I can assure you we'll return the favor.