No one can deny the fact that there is unnecessary shame and negativity surrounding mental illness. Unfortunately, people who suffer from a mental illness, like depression and anxiety for example, have to deal with ignorant people who continuously marginalize and belittle them. It is important that we as a society talk openly and honestly about mental illness. So, as a young woman who is in a constant battle with her inner demons, anxiety and depression, I’ve taken it upon myself to compile five things you should avoid saying to people who suffer from mental illness and more positive and uplifting alternatives to those things. It is time to end the ignorance.
1. "Your life is great, why are you depressed?"
I really can't answer that, because I don't why and I wish I did. Just because someone is happy on the outside, it doesn't mean they are on the inside. Don't ever assume that just because someone is successful and has a great family life, this must mean they aren't struggling. I had a great childhood, my family is supportive, my parents make good money, but I still struggle with severe depression and anxiety. When you say this to someone, it is implying that you think that their pain and their struggle isn’t real nor valid. It makes their battle 10 times harder than it already is.
Say this instead: "Your struggle is valid."
2. "It is just a phase"
Mental illness is not like puberty or having the flu. Someone isn't going to wake up one day and say "Hey, I'm not depressed or anxious anymore!" Yes, it does get better and easier to manage with treatment and medication, but it is still something that people deal with day in and day out for months, years and possibly their whole entire life. And don't be fooled if someone supposedly "gets better" and is happy because that doesn't mean they are necessarily cured.
Say this instead: "I am always here for you when you need me."
3. "You are selfish and weak"
Again, someone can't just will away a mental illness. They need treatment and therapy, and coming forward and seeking help is a sign of immense courage and should be treated as such. It is by no means easy to admit that you have a mental illness and that you need help. The guilt that accompanies that revelation is unbearable, and is the very reason why people are afraid to seek help.
Say this instead: "You are beautiful, strong and you have worth."
4. "Get over it"
Would you say to someone who has cancer to just "get over it?" The answer is no because cancer is considered a "real" medical illness and mental illnesses are not. Mental illnesses can affect not only the mood and personality of a person, but it affects their body as well. There are days I wake up so numb with anxiety, I can't physically move my legs. When I have a panic attack, my chest tightens up and air doesn't get out, I really feel like I'm going to suffocate and die. Mental illnesses are serious and it is vital to those who have them for everyone to treat them as equal to other medical illnesses.
Say this instead: "Is there anything I can do to help?"
5. "You are crazy"
This is opening another can of worms. Crazy is being extremely uncommon or out of the ordinary, and contrary to popular belief, mental illnesses are not rare. One in five Americans suffer from a mental illness. Not to mention, calling someone crazy is extremely dismissive. It diminishes someone's feelings and emotions. It isolates people, which is the last thing someone who suffers from a mental illness needs. We need an open and honest conversation about mental illness, and less ignorance and stigmatization.
Say this instead: "Your feelings are nothing to be ashamed of."
I really hope this lists inspires and helps everyone make better choices and be aware of how much their words impact someone. It is important that we all work together to end the stigma attached to mental illness. Learning how treat someone like a human being and not as a "crazy person" is the first step. And to everyone who suffers with a mental illness, I want you to know that your feelings are valid, you are stronger than you believe, and I am here for you and I will fight for you.
