In the aftermath of a recent rough patch in my personal life, struggling with depression, anxiety, and masking it all with an overjoyed facade, I'm left to bask in the emotional hangover and reflect on this recent season in my life. Having depression and anxiety riddle their way into every intricate detail of my everyday happenings, it made it hard to function normally. There was little I found comfort in, other than knowing that I was loved by my family and friends. And even then, sometimes that wasn't enough to make things any easier. But, whether I was ready or not, life was moving along-- with or without me. So, I sought the help I needed to get back on my feet, and though I'm not 100% (who is?), I'm on my way there.
Whether its getting through a rough day at work or a rough patch in life just as I went through, I hope some of my personal experience and advice can help to alleviate the over stressed (and probably over emotional) individual reading this:
1. It's okay to feel sad.
I would feel sad, then get embarrassed and punish myself for being sad, and then be even sadder. Emotions are such an important part of who we are, and finding healthy ways to channel them into something positive is important. Its okay to cry, or rant until steam comes out of your ears, or take some time to deal with whatever it is alone. Its also okay to go to the gym to relieve some stress, or take a walk to think things through. Everyone deals with their emotions differently, and that's important to realize. Its also important that after you process whatever it is that you're going through, you move on. Lingering in the past or staying stagnant for too long is not good. Onward bound!
2. Just because you hate yourself right now doesn't mean other people have to hate you, too.
There were countless times when I couldn't even look myself in the mirror. Whether it was over processing a previous encounter and worrying about how else it could have gone, or being overridden with insecurities, I was a mean, apathetic mess. Nonetheless, I would wake up every morning to a text like this from my mom:
and I would receive letters from my aunts, and cards from my grandparents. All when I needed them the most. My grandparents even 3-way called me every Wednesday and Sunday just to talk about how I was. So, just because you think you suck right now, or your face is breaking out, or you're super anxious about something, others can see right past it to your genuine self. And you're not too bad, after all.
3. You were okay before this happened, and you will be okay after it happens.
One day when I was really upset, one of my friends looked at me and said "Addie, you have to remember: you were okay before this happened, and you will be okay after this happens. Right now, you've just got to tough it out. This not only changed my perspective on that individual situation, but pretty much on my entire life. Now, any time I'm faced with adversity, I just think back to what my friend told me, and feel reassured in the fact that I'll be okay again soon.
4. Be open to all the possibilities.
This kind of goes hand in hand with the saying "one door shuts so another one will open". Just because something doesn't go your way doesn't mean you should sulk and complain until it does. That won't get you anywhere good. Instead, look at the glass half full. Date cancel on you? Maybe it happened so you could pick up that extra shift at work. Didn't land your dream internship? Maybe it happened so you could build your way up, network like a boss, and land your dream job. Just because one bad thing happens doesn't mean you should rule out all of the amazing things that still stand a chance. Good things come with time.
5. You can't blame yourself for things that are out of your control.
This one speaks for itself. You can't control other people, no matter how hard you try. Whether it is their perceptions, feelings, actions, you name it. You also can't control the weather. Especially freak storms when the forecast had a 0% chance of rain. You can't control Mother Nature, in her many forms. Wild life, forestry, or simply the birds & the bees. Just repeat after me: Not. My. Fault.
If there's one thing I have learned over the past couple of months, is that things do get better. It might take a while, but they do. When you surround yourself with friends, family, and furry creatures, where could you go wrong?
