Black Lives Matter has infiltrated almost every mind in the United States. With police brutality on the rise, African-American people are demanding equal rights in the eyes of the law. What a load of bullsh*t! Don't they know that the country was founded by rich white slaveowners who made half of the legislative branch (the senate) and appointed group of men who are wealthy!? These black people who are demanding equal rights need to realize that Black Lives Matter is a useless hashtag with no social impact whatsoever. There are five things wrong with black lives matter. And I, as a white, privileged male, who will most likely never be shot by police officers or see the inside of a jail cell are here to say what's wrong with this world and why Black Lives Matter is hogwash. Because who's more qualified than a rich white person to speak on behalf of poor black people? Don't give me that look. Every white person does it.
1. All lives matter (One glass Of Rosé)
All lives matter! Whether white, Asian, Icelandic, British, German, Irish, Kiwi, Italian, Swedish, Norwegian, Scottish, or even Australian; all lives matter! I mean, why generalize black people into a group of people all their own? Sure, they're getting murdered on the streets and forced into ghettos due to insufficient financial support, but if they would just stop committing crime and being racist toward white people, everything would work itself out! I mean, the KKK is gone, right? There's no "systemic racism" problem is the US. Everyone just needs to go to church and be a better person.
2. Haven't we already done enough? (Two glasses of Rosé)
I mean, we freed them from slavery, we made them human, we gave them 1/3 of a vote and even gave them full rights to vote, eventually. Of course, we also what more do we need to do? They have all the tools and resources that they need to succeed. Well, except their skin color. Forget the fact that they have a 300 percent greater chance of getting incarcerated than white people. That's just the liberal media trying to trick us! We have done enough to count them as our equals. What more should we do? What's that? Give them equal protection under the law? *gritting teeth*
3. Blacks aren't the ONLY race. (Three glasses of Rosé)
I mean, blacks aren't the only race! We need to have white history month, for example. And we can fill it out with a plethora of holidays like, Sorry We Enslaved You Day, National Concentration Camp Day, (don't give me that look, that was for national security), National Rosé day, and Ugg Boot Day! And we can have White Entertainment Television. Of course, that's basically the television in general, but we could always use the extra attention! Remember, white lives matter too!
4. All cops are GOOD! (Four glasses of Rosé)
Ignore the fact that white supremacists have been infiltrating the nation's police forces since 2005. That's just the liberal infested FBI! What we need to focus on is that all the statistics you here are Nonsense! Sure, police brutality is on the rise. I mean, what do they even mean? Sure, black people are 30 percent more likely to get killed by a police officer in their lifetime over a white man; but that's just... rhetoric, right? I mean, how dare people say that white officers can't be brutal towards black people? They're criminals! Right? Ignore the video evidence and eyewitness accounts! It's all liberal smoke and mirrors! Blame Obama! It's what we conservatives do best!
5. I'm not backing out of the argument, but I can't think of a fifth thing. (Finishes bottle of Rosé).
So, you see, Black Lives Matter isn't worth a second glance. It's all rhetoric, and cop hating speech. These people are fine! Us whites, just need to put out the proper hashtags and don't let on that deep inside, we are all racist bigots who silently cheer when a black man appears at the knees of the white man.
***This article was satire. It was strictly meant to comically state the absurdity of white America's thoughts on the socio-political state we are currently living in. I want you all to know that there are lawmakers and citizens in this country that really do think this way, although they may not state it as grandiosely as I have here. It's up to us to make change happen and realize that Black Lives Matter. Contact your local legislators and government figures. We can make change happen. We can change the way people think.***
Click HERE to contact your local legislator.
