As a little girl, I remember squeezing my chubby little legs into pink tights and pursing my lips at my mom as she painted me in red lipstick before going onstage. I remember learning first, second, and third positions as a 3-year-old and feeling like the most graceful, elegant 3-year-old in existence—I definitely wasn't. I remember the tutus, the tiny ballet slippers, and the beautiful older girls in their pointe shoes gracing my tiny self with their presence. Growing up with ballet became such an important part of my life from a young age. Now that I'm older and the only place I dance anymore is my bedroom, I miss those studios and stages that boosted my confidence and taught me so many important lessons. I miss getting home from school only to jump into a leotard and head to ballet, and here's why:
1. The strength.
Ballet made me stronger physically—the pliés and relevés that began every class kept me in shape. But as years have passed, I've realized that ballet strengthened more than just my body. Because of dance, I gained stronger confidence, stronger boldness and poise, and a stronger belief in myself. I wasn't afraid to dance on a stage in front of hundreds of people; every practice that led to improvement and every successful performance fed my inner strength.
2. The tutus.
You don't realize how much your body needs to be in a tutu until it's in one. There's nothing girly or weak about them; putting on a tutu was just as macho as layering on football equipment.
3. The teachers.
Everyone has someone to look up to in the dance studio. My teachers, who were mostly dance majors in college, all had their own unique style and personality to contribute to their technique. Not only were they great dancers to model ourselves after but they were constant sources of encouragement.
4. The dress rehearsals.
After months and months of practice and memorization, finally leaping onto the big stage was always a source of adrenaline. Practicing for big performances in full costume and makeup made everything more real; dress rehearsals were that beautiful, dream-turned-reality moment.
5. The barre.
As much as we often complained about the mundane barre routine that began every ballet class, I have realized now that I'm out of the studio the importance of those repetitive exercises. Drilling technique into us was one vital key to ballet success. Plus, it became so innate that practicing at the barre was more of a stress reliever than a workout.
6. The flowers.
After every show, there were always grinning audience members welcoming you off the stage with bouquets of flowers. The smell of them, mixed with the aroma of lipstick and hairspray, will forever be the signature scent of dance recitals.
7. The backstage.
Every dancer and their mother (I don't mean that as a figure of speech—dance moms can attest to this) knows the chaos that is the backstage of a big recital. There are girls running everywhere in a frenzy to get dressed in time. There are sequins and glitter exploding from every crack and crevice and dressing room mirror. There is yelling and crying and singing and laughing and it is the most productive turmoil you could ever imagine. I thrived off of it; my mom did not.
8. The leadership.
As I grew up in the dance studio and flats turned to pointe shoes, tiny eyes were always on me and the other advanced students. I remember what it was like to see the older dancers walk by— as a tiny dancer, you can't wait to be in their shoes (literally). As an older dancer, I remember waving at the youngest girls backstage and seeing their faces light up. Having that kind of influence over so many little girls was a lovely reminder that I was setting an example. The decisions I made and the words I chose to say mattered.
9. The art.
More than anything, ballet is a beautifully expressive art form. Every time I danced, I was creating something special with my entire body. Ballet, with all of its technicalities and fragilities, was freeing.
10. The goals.
When I danced, I could never do more than a couple of pirouettes (fancy ballet turns) in a row. I was the absolute worst at turning. It did not matter how much I practiced, I could never get as many turns as the other girls. As frustrating as this was, it didn't matter. Even when my pirouettes looked lousy, I was giving it everything I had. Ballet taught me to work toward achieving certain goals, even when those goals seemed impossible to attain. Preparing for performances, mastering new moves, and memorizing steps were all building blocks along the path to achievement. Nothing has ever felt more rewarding.
11. The ballet pink.
Of all the gifts ballet offered, feeling like a ballerina was the biggest rush. The confidence, poise, and power of a ballet dancer is something magical. Standing on tired toes until the inside of your pointe shoes were bloodstained was like winning a battle. Maintaining strength while mastering grace was an accomplishment unnoticed by audience members but priceless in the hearts of the dancers. I miss the days of that soft, sweet pink because as delicate as it seems, that shade exuded a power like no other. Dancers, retired and remaining, know the thrill that only this color and this art form can bring.
