Did you come to college and not instantly become the hippest scholar on the block? Are you a prospective college student and worried about not fitting in with the cool kids? Are you a fifth year and trying to leave a legacy of having unprecedented levels of finesse? Have no fear. Here I present you with the most important hacks to coolness that I've learned in my first year of college.

1. Fill your room with plants

Not because they smell nice, but because photosynthesis rocks.

2. Introduce yourself by your middle name

First names are for squares. Everyone knows your first name is just what ~The Man~ wants you to go by. And don’t even get me started on surnames.

3. Throw your iPhone out and buy a new one

Consumerism is back in, baby.

4. Use a satchel

Backpacks are for wannabes. Plus, references to The Hangover are neat and ironic now. Show ‘em who’s boss with a functional crossbody bag!

5. Declare your Major right away

Because changing your mind is capital L Lame!

In conclusion, your college years will be a blast no matter what. They will be filled with stickers, Snackables, and shower sandals (my personal favorite part). Take risks! Fight some people about the Oxford comma, this is a little-known shortcut to a loving and lasting friendship! You can't do college wrong, but you can do college right! Follow these hacks and I promise, you won't remember your four years in college as the good old days, you'll remember them as the ~great~ old days.