5 Things That I Always Questioned About Christmas As A Kid

1. Why was everyone so mean to Rudolph?

Sure, I get the whole "people bully others because they’re different than them," but the reindeer had a glow in the dark nose. I don’t know about kid reindeer, but as a child if anything glowed in the dark, it was the coolest thing ever. Like Rudolph could have shut down any comment about his nose by saying “Oh yeah? Well can YOU see in the dark?” Also, how did Rudolph fall asleep with a light shining in his eyes the entire time?

2. Why did adults in Christmas movies not believe in Santa?

I know I’m not the only one who didn’t wonder why the parents of most kids in movies didn’t act the least bit surprised when they saw presents under the tree, even though they didn’t believe in Santa and they didn’t get the gifts. Did they think that they got the gifts and just somehow forgot when they got them? Did they think it was a reverse robbery? Did not one single director think of this loophole?

3. Why do we ALL leave cookies out for Santa?

I know Santa is portrayed as a big chubby man because of this, but with the amount of kids he visits a night and each one leaving out cookies, how is he not morbidly obese? Like does he work out all year and Christmas is his one and only cheat day? Does he eat all of the cookies or just take them so it looks like he ate them? Wouldn’t he get tired of cookies? It’s a nice gesture and all, but why didn’t we just leave him something else?

4. Does Santa actually make the gifts or does he just buy them?

I remember commercials that would show Santa buying from Best Buy or someplace that would play during a movie where he would make all the toys. It made sense for Santa to make toys such as dolls and stuff, but during this age of technology, toys are getting more complex. Does Santa keep up with the processes of making certain toys, or did he just say “screw it” and start ordering off of Amazon? Can Santa make an Xbox?

5. Which kids got the privilege to ride on the Polar Express?

Every year, my elementary school would play the Polar Express in the gym while we all dressed up in pajamas and brought sleeping bags, and every year I would wonder when the Polar Express would show up for me. It’s obvious not all kids get to go, as the boy’s sister stays at home while he goes on the train. So do only kids who need to learn a life lesson get to go? How did they know which kids needed a learning experience?

Now of course you can answer all of these questions by saying that it’s magic and that Rudolph just couldn’t stand up for himself, which is the beauty of Christmas and childhood in that the most complex questions could be answered with something as simple as Christmas magic.