Everyone makes comments without actually thinking about their implications from time to time. Certain ideas are so ingrained in our society that we don't really question what's right or wrong to say. In the case of people like me, people who come from a multiracial background, we hear a lot of highly uncomfortable phrases.
Sometimes, we even hear these phrases uttered by people we know and to whom we are close. While some of these phrases seem relatively harmless, all of them stem from racism in American society, even if the people saying these phrases are not trying to be racist. So, if you would like to learn how to be a better ally to people who are mixed-race, completely eliminate these phrases from your vocabulary. And, even if you aren't mixed, maybe encourage others to give up these common yet racially-charged phrases.
1. "Mixed kids are the cutest! I want mixed kids someday."
Sure, this might seem like a highly positive phrase to the casual observer. However, this phrase implies that mixed kids are some sort of accessory. Mixed kids are people, too, and not some status symbol. And if someone's only motivation for having mixed kids is because they're cute, they are objectifying mixed-race children. And that just isn't cool.
2. "You don't look mixed."
Just like people with just a single racial background, people who are mixed-race have a variety of skin tones, eye colors, hair textures and so on. Therefore, there is no "right" way to appear mixed. By telling someone who is mixed that they don't "look" mixed, that person is erasing someone's racial identity, while also attempting to define someone else's race for them. They're also perpetuating the stereotype that all mixed-race people look the same. You can easily see the variety when you look to Hollywood.
3. "You're so exotic!"
The fetishization of mixed people, especially mixed girls, is a major problem. From people touching our hair without permission, to people expressing how they find mixed people more attractive. It may sound complimentary at first, but it truly isn't. It also implies that being multiracial is somehow unusual or weird, which only fuels people who seek us out like we're some sort of designer puppy.
(Side note: If we were so unusual and "exotic," we wouldn't be the fastest growing racial population in the United States.) The only way to eliminate the fetishization of mixed-race people is to normalize multiracial identities and stop acting like they're so special or exotic.
4. Any racist terms for mixed-race people
Essentially, if you or someone you know uses terms to describe multiracial people that aren't words like "biracial" or "mixed," research what that word means. Chances are, even if it's a widely-used term, it could be a racial slur, even if it sounds harmless at first. The first rule to being a good ally is research, research, research.
5. "So, what are you?"
This is a question that has been asked of me ever since I was a little girl. There is truly nothing wrong with wondering what someone's background is, but this phrasing is so incredibly offensive and invasive, especially when asked by a stranger. It is incredibly dehumanizing because, depending on the tone, this phrase essentially translates to: "There is something weird or wrong with you, but I can't quite place what it is." A more polite way to ask this question would be to say, "Could I ask what your racial background is?"
