Senior year of high school was the time that every experience was thrown on me at once. My first year out of high school was my time to overanalyze as I tend to do, and reflect on what good came out of the chaos that was my last months at Frank Sinatra School of the Arts. I learned some really important distinctions and mindsets to have at this point in our lives.
1. Find your ambition.
If you find that you're the kind of person who has a hard time finding motivation for your life's goals, whether it involves school or career, and you have people around you who make you feel stupid or incapable or lazy, use that. Spite is my most powerful weapon, as much I love to be supported. The minute someone tells me I can't do something or even says I can't conquer something as successfully as I believe I can, I make it my mission to prove them wrong. There were times when I was writing an essay or putting off homework when the doubtful words of others weren't as powerful, but then I thought about the responsibilities these people had to me and the anger fueled me for as long as I would let it.
2. Learn the difference between fake and polite.
There were always people in school that wouldn't talk to you or would make very clear they didn't approve of you to other people and would slap on a smile and and an overly enthusiastic "hello" when seeing you. In some circumstances, I can understand being perturbed by this behavior and the elephant in the room not being addressed, but sometimes it's easier and more mature to brush aside how we feel about someone when we see them. Starting an all-out brawl if you don't agree with how this person deals with their personal business, or giving an attitude when you could just ask them how they are and move along with your day is a waste of your very valuable energy.
3. Accept the extent of your control.
Because I love an excuse to quote the musical" Hamilton," one of my many mantras has become "I am the one thing in life I can control." I've spent a lot of time tiptoeing around people protecting their feelings when they never did the same, and then they were offended by what I did anyway. When I started worrying about what made me happy more often, they were still offended. I'm always the first to say you stand by your friends no matter what, but there's a point where some friends take that as confirmation that they are more important than you. Do what you think is right and do what you will keep you in a healthy relationship with your friends, but you also need a healthy relationship with yourself.
4. Forgive and forget.
Everyone knows this and most people choose to ignore it. I get staying smart and avoiding people who have hurt you, but you also have to accept that you have made your share of mistakes just as much as they people who surrounded you and the ones that still are a part of your life. Try to understand what in their lives could have possessed them to react how they did. People should accept responsibility for their actions, but a little empathy never hurt anyone, and it makes it easier for you to move on.
5. Tell people how you feel.
Confrontation is tough, especially when you haven't established a relationship to be a very open one. I'm still learning this one too. If you stay calm and just state how you feel without hostility or hysterical behavior, people are most likely to listen and take into account what you have to say. If you don't talk about how their actions make you feel, you'll sit with those bad feelings. If this person responds in a very defensive manner and doesn't take your feelings into account, it's a good sign you should drop them or give them some distance. Make sure you are being reasonable. I had a friend who always expected me to do backflips to make her happy, and she had no room for compromise. Her jealousy and self-involvement clouded her judgement. When confronting someone about how you feel, give them a chance to explain why they did what they did and acknowledge their point of view.
