It's here: October. Decorations come out, fun-size candy bags are restocked, and once again you're faced with the shocking realization that you don't have a costume. Maybe Halloween wasn't on the top of your priority list or you were a little busier this year or you just can't seem to get into the spirit of the season. But as the invitations to parties start to pile up, you're hit with three simple truths: 1. you need a costume, 2. you're not crafty enough to make your own, and 3. you don't have enough money to buy one from the store. But don't worry. You don't even have to change the clothes you're wearing right now to fit in at Halloween. Just give one of these easy explanations and you'll be Halloween royalty in no time.
1. A Party-Goer
At first your explanation may result in a few rolled eyes and claims that you don't have any Halloween spirit, but just let this sink in: everyone else at this party is only going skin deep with their costumes. You've taken the time and the energy to fully embody the heart and soul of your costume. You're literally at a party! Genius.
2. The Death of The American Dream
This is a good one to pull out in a room full of baby boomers and Literature majors. When someone asks you what you're dressed as, grow pensive and furrow your brow. Look into your drink for a moment, then at the person who asked you. Give them your answer and look into the distance. Done correctly, this answer will result in a solemn nodding of heads and an in-depth discussion of the works of Arthur Miller. Mention Death of a Salesman and escape quickly.
3. The Future (leadership position in the field of your choice)
This may not win you "best costume" but it might get you a few numbers. When a person that you're flirting with asks what you're dressed as, show that you're ambitious and goal-oriented and say, "I'm the future president/pope/any leadership position that may pique their interest." Then, smile as you look into your drink and say, "Of course, that's not a costume, that's just me." If they aren't swooning by now, you've done something wrong. Never speak to them again.
4. Someone from an Alternate Universe Where Halloween Doesn't Exist
Like number 2, this is a good one to bring out at a party with a lot of physics majors or stoners who follow NASA on Twitter. But pass it off as a joke this time, lighten up the room. Then, as the laughter dies down, look into the distance and say "But that'd be pretty crazy, right?" Let everyone else do the talking and, when it's safe, escape to the chip table.
5. A Sexy You
This one isn't hard at all. Just roll up your jeans a little and be yourself. Bonus points if you wink more than necessary at everyone else in the room.
