Reflecting back on the different types of boys you see downtown at your college. Each one is different, but each is equally important to the college bar experience as the next.
1. The “I'm not here to make friends" guy.
Seriously though guy, where are your friends? Did you come alone?
2. The “Reason the bathroom excuse was invented" guy.
He slinks, he sneaks, he's always there when you turn around. He puts his hand on your waist, as though somehow he doesn't need permission to touch you, a complete stranger. Yeah, hands off, fellow. He tells you you're beautiful, deeply wants to know your deepest darkest secrets, your dreams and ambitions, your likes and dislikes, except come on man, we are at a bar at 12:30 and the DJ just started playing a Ke$ha song. Set me free. I just want to dance with my friends, not be prodded with questions about whether or not my life dreams are being fulfilled. If they were, I probably wouldn't be in these heels right now at 1 AM.
3. The “Oops I forgot to bring cash" guy.
The 4th and 5th time you conveniently “have no cash" at the bars is when I start to call bluff. I'm not a dang ATM but what's crazy is that there actually were like five ATM's we passed on the way here, but it wasn't until we got in line to pay cover that you suddenly realized how empty your wallet felt.
4. The “Aggguuughehgaeghhgghghghgh!!!!!!" guy.
Also known as the “I have pent up aggression and I'm not afraid to use it" guy. This guy wants to fight everyone. You took too long in the bathroom, you looked at his girlfriend the wrong way (as if there were any other way with her wildly inappropriate outfit), you're more attractive than he is and he knows it. How dare you. This guy just wants to throw down and is looking for the first guy to take the bait.
5. The “I don't know which way is home" guy.
The frat gods have smiled on this fellow. He never drinks just a little, he can never handle his alcohol, and he always forgets how to stand after a couple of drinks. There's no way you're that drunk, man, pull it together. You don't have to prove to me that you can have fun, by spilling your drink all over me and acting a fool.
