I still can’t decide if the person that thought of the front facing camera on smart phones was a genius or just pure evil.
It’s great when I want to show my friend how pretty I am in the morning with no makeup on, a double chin and drool on my face, but it’s terrible when I get on social media and realize that every girl I follow suddenly became a model over night.
I decided to break down the different categories of selfies because I have absolutely nothing better to do with my time. Seriously.
The Artsy
The artsy selfie is usually half of your face in some vague or confused expression with an edgy/colorful background accompanied by some sort of “live life to the fullest” caption. Bonus points for wind blowing in the hair and a piercing and/or tattoo.
The Sexy
Very self-explanatory. The girl usually has her lips pursed or slightly parted, eyes squinting (or “smizing” as Tyra Banks would say) and her face turned slightly to the side. She has lifted the phone above her head to expertly put her low cut top into frame so it’s just the perfect amount of risqué. This selfie usually has a dim filter and is followed by some female empowerment/Audrey Hepburn quote or a “new” announcement. Example: New haircut!! New lipstick!! New necklace!!
The Goofy
It takes a bold girl to post a goofy selfie. With all of these Adriana Lima wannabes blowing up your newsfeed, she’s the one that’s not afraid to say, “I’m going to post a picture of my milk mustache for everyone to see”. The girl is usually making a funny face and holding a strange object like a light saber or a bag of Cheetos. Her captions have absolutely no connection to the photo itself, something like “Let the haters hate”. This girl couldn’t care less about what people think of her or has a severe social disability. Either way, she makes our news feeds a lot more enjoyable.
The Painfully Awkward
This selfie is so uncomfortable that you want to teleport through the screen and help the girl. She probably has some dazed look on her face, is trying to candidly laugh by herself, or is just smiling… in the center of the frame… with both arms out clearly showing that she’s holding the phone. She’s really trying, but she obviously needs help. She hasn’t learned angles or how to work the filters. She is happy with 11 likes.
The I Need Attention
This selfie is above and beyond the rest. You know the one girl you follow that you haven’t been real friends with in 6 years, but you follow her because you can’t believe what she posts? Yeah, her. She is the queen of the “I need attention selfie”. Mid gym-sesh selfie in her sports bra and too tight spandex? Check. Lingerie shopping selfie with a “what do you think?” caption? Done. Tanning selfie of JUST her backside in a thong? You betcha. There really are no limits, just a few qualifications. You have to be at least 75% nude in this selfie and your face may or may not be in it, but if it is, you have such severe makeup that even MAC makeup artists are shocked.
