My dad had not been around much when I was growing up as a kid. He worked as a tour guide in Paris and lived there, and so he only came back home once a year for about a month. I remember, as a kid who was only 4-5 years old, that my dad had to leave the house early in the morning at 4 or 5 so that I don't see him leave and hold him back, not letting him go and bawling my eyes out. I remember that I used to grab all these photos of my dad, crawl under my desk, look at them and just cry. I remember that I was so envious of all my friends whose dads came to pick them up after school, when I had to walk back home alone because my mom was always busy with her work. So, he had not been much part of my life growing up until he moved back to Korea when I was 15. At the age of 15, I moved to South Africa to go to high school, and so I really did not have that much of an opportunity to spend time with my dad.

However, I still have learnt so much from my dad, about life. Here's a list of what my dad has taught me:

1. The Beauty of Cultural Diversity

When he came home for a month, he would tell me all these stories of how Europe was so different from Korea, how these European countries were different from one another, how our mannerism was different, and how we spoke different languages and had different cultures. As a kid from a country that is homogeneous (meaning that we only have one ethnic group), multiculturalism seemed so odd and unreal, and yet fascinating at the same time. I used to ask my dad if all these non-East Asian people were still human beings (sorry I was young and to me every non-East Asian looked like an alien, no offense). He told me what kinds of phrases French would use when we, Koreans, say such and such. His stories and experiences were my night time bed stories and I remember falling asleep while imagining this mysterious other part of the world that I admired and creating my own little world. He was my source of inspiration to go overseas from Korea to South Africa, to go to college in America, and to study abroad in Scotland. He inspired me to learn different languages like English, Spanish, French, Afrikaans and Chinese.

2. Be Your Own Hero

Even though he only stayed in Korea for a month every year, he still made sure that he taught me some important lessons in life. One of many was to be my own hero. He used to tell me, "just because you are a girl, doesn't mean you are inferior to boys. You are just as strong, you are intelligent and bright, you are amazing, and you don't need anyone else to lead your life. You need to live your own life. Explore and experience. Don't avoid your fears but face them. If the world is throwing all these stones at you, don't crawl back into your comfort zone and cry about how mean it is to you, but stand firmly on your feet and tell them to p!ss off (yes, he actually did say that. lol isn't my dad cool?)." This may not be the best advice to give to a young daughter, but he also always said, "if anyone, and I mean anyone, both boys and girls, hit you, you hit them back in their nose. That way, you can make sure you win the fight." I remember my mom used to hate that my dad would always tell me to fight back. I have kept that advice in my heart, but don't worry, I never actually hit anyone in their nose.

3. Be Understanding and Embracing

I used to hate my sister (sis, if you are reading this, I'm sorry, but you know I hated you when I was a kid lol). She is 5 years older than me, so when she was going through that turbulent adolescence, I was too young for her. So I told my parents how much I was scared of her and how much I hated her. Then, my dad would just laugh out loud and say that I should understand her. I was too young to understand what my dad meant by that, because I wanted him to side with me and complain about how annoying my sister was. Now that I'm a young adult (it feels awkward saying that I'm a young adult. I'm still a baby. Just a normal giant baby), he asks me if I remember how he always used to tell me to understand my sister. He then tells me, "Narae, a lot of times, we get frustrated over little things and over our differences with other people. We even get annoyed with our own family, supposedly the closest people in your life who will love you for who you are unconditionally. Yet, you still get into fights with your family. Your mom and I have a lot of differences as well that we do not necessarily understand all the time. But you need to remember that everyone comes from a different place. We have been raised in different backgrounds, different values, different ideas and different environments. What makes you think that everyone else would be just like you? that everyone else would think the same thing and the same way as you do? You think that they don't understand you and they are being selfish, but that's not always true. Maybe to them, you are being selfish. So remember to remind yourself of where others are coming from and embrace your differences. That way, you can really have peace of mind within yourself."

4. It's Okay To Feel Weak

For the longest amount of time, I had trouble admitting that I was weak. I always thought of myself as this strong, independent, almighty person who could accomplish anything, who never gets tired, and who keeps pushing forward. College was really difficult for me not only in terms of academics, but also in terms of social life and finding myself. I never told my parents how tough it was and how I felt about myself because I never wanted to worry them. I didn't want to give them any more burden than they already had and I wanted them to be proud of me. However, this one time, I just called my dad and said, "dad, I'm really tired. I feel stupid and incompetent. I feel like there's nothing I can do and I'm not going anywhere. I feel like I'm not making any progress. I feel like I'm just too lazy and dumb no matter how much I try. I always feel like I'm not giving my 100% and that stresses me out." I thought he was just going to tell me that it's okay and that maybe I should take a break, but he didn't. Instead, he told me, "you need that. That's what keeps you moving forward. Yes, maybe you have kept running without any break in this race, and yes you are tired. But that doesn't mean you are stupid, incompetent, and dumb. Success and failure are relative and binary concepts. Without failure, you would never know that sweet taste of success when you achieve it. You think you are failing right now, but it's just taking a little longer than usual because it gets harder. Wouldn't it be unfair to have everything so easy all the time? It's just like school. You start from learning how to add and subtract to learning how to do calc and how to critically think. Stuff gets hard and requires more time. It's so very natural that it's tough for you right now. It doesn't mean you are dumb. It means you are trying and facing the difficulties. You don't need to be this endlessly motivated, strong person. You can hit your lowest points in your life because that means all you've got left is to move back up. Wouldn't life be boring if you didn't have any of this? Feeling weak and realising and facing your weaknesses are a blessing and such an essential part of our lives."

The fact that I wasn't able to spend much time with my dad in my childhood does not mean that he didn't have any influence in my life. It doesn't mean that I didn't learn much from my dad. Rather, I was able to appreciate the importance of family and what it really is to care about and love someone. He may not have been in my life as much as other dads usually do, but he is still my hero. Thank you for teaching all these important lessons in life, dad. I love you.