I work at a preschool and last summer I was a full-time babysitter for some of my preschool students and their siblings. Spending eight hours a day with children is no small task and I learned quite a bit.
1. They’ll Poop Wherever
A 2 year old and I were just finished eating lunch one day and I plopped her down on the couch for her post-food television program. I told her I was using the restroom, and I’d be right back. I left, did my business, and when I came back she was standing, arms braced against the couch, squeezing a turd out into her pants. I’ll never forget what she said to me: “I’m pooping, Jake. It’s a big one!” And she was correct. It was a big one.
This same girl also caused me trouble with her undeveloped bathroom habits at a public park. I was helping her older brother climb a tree when I looked back and saw that she had dropped her pants and was squatting one out in the middle of a park whilst other people were watching. Not wanting to look incompetent but also realizing I shouldn’t stop her mid-butt rocket, I let her finish. That’s right. She just sh*t right onto the grass. I realize this makes me sound like a terrible care provider, but these stories are outliers amongst the more mundane and ordinary, like…
2. Children Are Excellent Improvisers and Liars
In October 2015, I casually mentioned to an 8 year old that the new "Star Wars" movie would be coming out in several months and I was excited to see it. His response? “Yeah, I’ve already seen it.” He then went on to describe to me how there’s “a guy with a red lightsaber that has those two things coming out the handle” and “there’s a lot of ships that shoot lasers and blow things up.”
I decided to call his bluff.
I whipped out a “and there’s this alien that has wheels for feet, right? And they take Han Solo prisoner and Chewbacca has to save him?”
Knowing that I knew he was full of sh*t, he decided to dig himself an even deeper hole. “Oh yeah, those things are awesome,” he said. It was then that I realized he was just helping build an improv scene. No longer were we in reality, but we had created a comedic play for others around us to watch. It was quite entertaining.
3. When They Aren't Lying, Children Are Unflinchingly Honest
More than once I’ve been told by children to change the core of my being. On a walk home from school, I had a song stuck in my head so I was singing it out loud. A 5 year old proceeded to cut me to pieces. “Jacob,” she said. “I don’t like it when you sing and make jokes.”
Those are the only two things I do. Those are my only two skills!
I’m wasn’t sure if she truly intended her words, so I attempted to bring the singing and joking to a minimum, but the next week she looked me in the eyes and stated, “Jacob, I’m tired of you and I need a break from you.”
I’m not sure I’ve ever been quite so proud.
4. It's All Worth It
Despite always being mistaken for the father of the children I babysit, I do really enjoy my job. What I don’t like is the look of surprise on strangers’ faces when they see children that have a positive male role model in their lives. I was blessed with a fantastic father and god knows I’m basically just passing his wisdom down to the kids that I care for. I hope someday they look back and remember me in a positive light, because I definitely remember them making a positive impact on my life.
Plus, spending so much time with kids is excellent birth control. Don’t give me any little terrors for at least another decade.
